Hmm... may be my last blog for the school year!

As I sit on my desk, I look around at... nothing. The walls have been stripped of their memories, scrubbed from the marks we've made of people's heights, and all that's left is the walls we were given. Ali's parents are coming today to move out the larger things (futon, fridge, things that won't be needed in the next week) and it's all coming to an end. I mean I'm only here until Wednesday and I'm off, never to return again. So now I must ponder over my last year. I've noticed that most of my blog was EXPLAINING what's going on, not my feelings or anything, which is sad. So... here I go on my last blog of the year!

It's been a year, quite a year. You've all heard my ups and downs with my room mate, friends, classes, drinking, etc. I dunno. It's wierd, I'm oddly calm about all of it now (minus the drinking, you've all heard me spazz. haha) I understand that this is what college is, kids rebelling. Most didn't grow up in my household. I didn't have a LOT of rules, I have no need to rebel. I also have that "gut feeling" that hits me whenever I know I'm doing something really baad. Although the year, I seemed to be bitter towards winona, always wanting to come, it's sorta not the case. The thing is, I love my friends at home more than anyone knows. Does it have to do with a loss of Travis? Maybe. But I loved these people (you all) before that happened because after switching groups of friends yearly since 4th grade, I was tired of the people I was with. Then I was introduced to everyone. And I'm blessed to have such a diverse group. Pastors, Writers, Nurses, Teachers, Film makers, Designers, etc. We're consuming the world with all are talents. It's amazing. And I think we are where God wants us. I hope you all notice this. And yes, some of us don't know what we're doing, but it'll come, I know it will.

I know a lot of people agree that their first year wasn't what we were expecting. Some want to switch. Which I am doing, I'm not sticking it out. But I do believe strongly that this first year was an eye opener, and a walk on God's path to where he's leading me (if that makes sense). My purpose for here was Ali, and others that saw me for who I was. I think Bethel is a blessing, I did not really believe I would get accepted. I prayed to God that if I am meant to go, to accept me. I know it's childish, but I didn't think it'd happen. But it did. And I still prayed, I continue to pray. I worry sometimes, but I really do feel this is where I'm supposed to be now. I'm doing my best to follow God because my decisions without him are never good. Without God I am nothing.

I've made friends here, wouldnt' seem like it the way I talk when I'm at home, but I have. Not best friends, but friends that got me through the year, especially when Anna left. That was hard. I was so used to having the past with me at school, I didn't look forward to what was following. By the grace of God I met a group of people (Josh, Danielle,Sarah, Elizabeth, Ashley, Julia, Rachael, Ali) that just really made me smile. Among those listed where the random peopel here and there that also kept me going. I will miss them. I've had some good talks with all of them, about God too, and I think those were the strongest ones.

With that, I don't think I have much else to say except for the fact that I've grown. I know now that we most grow up, but that doesnt' mean we stop being friends with one another. I've learned that sometimes you have to do what you don't want to, but in the end it's something that you're glad you did, I learned that college molds you into what you want to be, and just because something bad is happening doesn't mean you have to conform to it, I learned that we try so hard to stay in the past that we are letting the present and the future whip past us without even taking part in it. Life is short, life is precious, and we need to live it up!

I think should bid you all ado. I wish you all the best of luck with finals, and don't stress too much. one step at a time... do what you can, but don't push yourself. So you get a B instead of an A, just take it as it is guys. I love you all.

Sister in Christ
<3>

Stressful stressful night

Yikes.... that's all I'll say for now for last night. But I'll do an update on my weekend.

Friday turned out really good. I think it was really good for Knapps to have so many people come to the Candle Vigil. Plus, I got to see Hunter, Nathan, and Kenzie (Justin's little cousins). I love them to death!! It was just really good to see them. Nathan is already taller than me and he's only 11! And Hunter is talking and we played for a while. It was just wonderful. I'm glad I was there because it makes missing Travis not as hard when your with people who knew him as well. At school everyone's going through their day without that sort of weight on their shoulders. But anyway, after that, Melanie, Jen, and I went to Rainbow to get some chips and ROUNDYS pop so there would be something to munch on when we went over to Natrop's. Lately we've been doing rounds of who brings things, and it's unspoken, but it's just been cool so Adam doesn't always have to supply. It was a pretty decent sized group and we just laughed and ate, I was really giggly.... oh wait! I'm ALWAYS giggly. And the name of the pop, Roundys, wow... we got some laughs out of that stuff. All in all, it was a fun night.

Okay, so Saturaday was earrrrrlllllyyyy. I had to be at Bethel for orientation at 8:30 and for some reason, Kara and Jen wanted to come. ha. So I picked Jen up at 7:30, Kara at 7:45 and we were finally on our way to Bethel. We got there and I gave them my key to my car so when they got hungry, they could go and eat. I mean I had stuff to do from 8:30-2:00 so I didn't wanna just strand them there. Jen said the campus was really nice, which made me happy cuz... well... I love it! So first they talked to us in a group, and the guy prayed (sooo nice) and we met some people, and then we broke off into groups. In the groups we met some people, did a mini-tour of the classes, got our picture taken for our IDs, and signed up for our webmail. After that we were sent to the Advising section, where I got to be with Vicki Sanford, this amazing counselor for admissions or whatever. She helped us out in filling our stuff out for registration and she's soo bubbly and hyper, she reminds myself of me on too much caffeine. I just have a warm spot in my heart for her. haha. Luckily, Bethel sets up your first semester of classes since we haven't been assigned advisors yet, and it just works out well. I'm really excited. For lunch I sat with some really nice girls, and actually Vicki's son who is a Junior I believe. It was funny. He likes her. That's always good. Well after lunch this one girl and I decided we didn't want to go to the last part of the thing (viewing classes; I saw Justin's philosophy class earlier in the year) so we went to the campus store and then I got my complimentary fleece blanket (soo cute) and called Jen and Kara. Turns out.... they went out for Chinese... and were lost in Shoreview. So about 45 minutes later, the time I would have originally gotten out of the class, they were back. But it was okay because I got to walk around campus a bit... I just love it soo much. I really am excited to be there. AND I get phone reception everywhere. After that we went and sat at Retro's for a while and just laughed and talked and such. At 4:30, we left for Delano's Grand March to see all of our friends! Sarah and Jesse didn't know we were coming so when they saw us they got really excited!!! I have a picture of how CUTTEEEE they look and I'll put it up on here. Sarah looked just amazing, simply amazing. Jesse was very handsome as well. They just fit. It was cute. Anyway, then I drove Jen home, and brought Kara to Justin's with me, which made it really hard to actually TALK to him alone. The world/God is against me doing that, I swear. Anyway, I had Justin walk me out to my car and we talked, and although I'm awkward when I'm saying things important, I think he got the point, and it just went really well. There were things I needed to say otherwise it would have bothered me forever. So after that I was supposed to go to this royalty sleepover but I couldn't find it and no one had service, so I just went back to Rockford to Adam's bonfire. That was fun! Justin jumped over the fire, and it like licked up his back and folllowed him and then went out. It was scary, and I screamed. I always do. He's gonna kill himself someday! Wow, sorry, this is long and I'm not even done yet! Anyway, the rest of the night we made hot dogs and smores... mmmmmm.

Sunday I drove back to school with Jen. We went to this AMAZING view like a mile away, and then watched Grey's, ate pizza, and just hung out. Very non-stressful. I came back to school at like 9 in the morning, and wow, that is early! I mean okay, yesterday was a good day because this is my LAST WEEK OF CLASSES, and I was excited. Everything's coming to an end on my 1st year, and def. coming to an end to WSU for good. I can't help but freak out. And I've been doing all my homework, so by like 7 or 8 at night, I can do whatever. It's nice. But.... I was trying to burn all of my files to a CD cuz I have to return the laptop at the end of the year, and they DISAPPEARED! Adam helped me for I think right around an hour, and I just freaked out. Finally we downloaded this program to find them, and then I got the access code and saved them onto my computer once more. I think we got them all, but I can't be too sure. who cares, I got the important stuff. It was really scary and really stressful. I don't know what I would have done. Thank goodness for Adam! THANK YOU!! (I've said that like 20 times) So here I sit, on my last Tuesday, and I'm sick. But oh well! I don't care! I should goo..... get dressed, go to class, that sort of thing. Haha. See you all soon!

Sister in Christ,
Amy <3>
See.... cute!!! Her dress is just.... well.... there are no words.

April 21, the day we won't forget

It snuck up on us, we are all busy with something else, school, homework, work, families, everything else. Then you wake up one fateful day, and there it is, standing right in your face. It is the day that Travis Knapp left us. Three years to the day. Wow. What a statement. THREE years. I can't believe those words, cuz I could have sworn just yesterday I was talking to him online. Hmm... Thank God for well.... God. Otherwise this would be the hardest day of my life. But with God, I see things clearly. I know that Travis isn't here on this earth, suffering with us all from the persecutions we will recieve throughout our lifetime. And the other plus is I will see him again, maybe not in the way I think, but it will happen. I talked to a friend of mine who calls it a wound and they don't wanna pick at the scab. I see it as a wonderful rememberance of a very very good friend of mine. He's still apart of my life, although he is not here. He's part of my life because the Knapps are apart of my life. I love them.

So today, for all of you, I pray. I pray for the ones that will hurt, for the ones that will cry, and for his parents especially. I pray for Justin too. Rest in peace my dear friend Travis. Have a good day all.
What an amazing view... yep, found it on the internet! haha..


Sister in Christ,
<3>

Trials and Tribulations

MIRACLE OF GOD

A tiny cloud with an incurable disease slowly floats in the evening air. Its poison stirs inside the walls of the soft creation of God, it’s trying to break freeWhen it has found the perfect place, the perfect soul to relinquish its venom, it releases. Down, down, down the poison falls, racing each other droplet to the earth.At first sight, it appears harmful, full of wrath and fury, so we flee. The thunder and lightening, the wind and the rain, it all mixes together for a horrible feeling,But when you think you cannot handle much more, it dissipates into nothing.The ground has soaked up all the rain, the clouds have dispersed, the world is left to a moist summer’s day. So you pick up where you left off, with a smile on your face, thanking God for the tribulation that made everything else seem so breathtaking

I just wrote that because that's how I feel sometimes. Something happens where we are torn up inside, and the point of it is to get through it, get through all the trials God puts in front of us. I learn that slowly, but it does come across every now and then. As for Kara, no that's not who I was talking about, but it's okay, I've made peace. Friends and life are a funny thing. They really are. I think the important thing is that in the end we all care for one another and that's all that matters. And of course we all have a deep care for God first and foremost. So at anyr rate, my "storm" has passed, haha.

Anyway, I never really wrote about the weekend, I'll do it quick cuz i have some classes to attend soon!

My weekend was full of bonfires and fun. Jake Barnes had the first one, which had a trampoline and Justin, Nate, Kara, and I jumped for what seemed like hours. Can't say I wasn't sore. Ouchies!

Good Friday was next, where we played board games at Justins, boche ball at Kelly's, and of course, church. My mom came, it was nice. Then Adam had a bonfire, and it was good as well. We all conversed and laughed, and were are silly selves. I ended up leaving early because Molly had locked her keys in her car so she needed a ride back home and back to Rockford to get the spare. I didn't mind it, it was good for us.

Saturday was an early start; 6-2 shift at Panera. I was unhappy most of the day because my manager is new and she treats me like I am too. I've been there three years so I dislike when people like her boss me around. But I need to keep in mind that she is my manager. At any rate Jen had me, Kelly, and Justin over for casidillas and then Justin, Jen, and I met up with Laura (!!!!) at a coffee shop where we just sat and talked for a while. Kelly then held the next bonfire deep in her woods so we had to wear big rainboots or whatever. It twas wonderful. We also talked about our dreams, goals, etc. for the summer and I found it a very good thing. Then Laura and Robbie and Me and Lee went 4-wheelin and it was sooo mcuh fun! I just screamed and giggled and dug my face into Lee's shirt. I haven't been on one in ages.

Sunday was another early shift; 7:30-3:00, but my fav. manager and James, my friend, was working so it was good. I went to my uncle's for early dinner and returned home to go to Nick's house. It was fun and it wasn't because Justin wasn't very supportive of what I had to say. (Basically my dad is going to AA and I'm really excited cuz this is a HUGGGEE step!) But yah, I lost to John about a billion times in fooseball and lost to Justin in pool. That's okay, I still love to play anyway.

Monday I got to go to a meeting at Bethel and I love it there. Really truly love it. The woman was very nice (hugged me at the end of our meeting, and we all know I'm a hugger!!) and I got a shirt, and she just helped me with so much stuff. I'm really excited, and scared to go. I know this is where God wants me, and I'm more than happy to be there.

Now here I am, on my Wednesday morning, happy and healthy. And my class was cancelled. YAY!! =) Friday is "YOU-KNOW-WHAT" day. Yep, Travis' anniversary, but not the good kind. We are holding a candle vigil at the crash site, so hopefully you all will be there. It is a day of rememberance and I think it is important we all be ther for Joe and Debbie, and for ourselves. IT's good. Anyway, I love you all.

Sister in Christ,

Amy <3

KITTY!!! It's my new icon on the forum, and I love it oh so dearly. It's gotta make you smile. It really does. Otherwise YOU ARE BROKEN!

you've got me in a pickle

Your kidding right? You just can't be serious... and wow... i just... wow. Thanks

*Friends, HAVE to love them right?

Sorry, this blog is my frusturations in oh so few words basically cuz I'm speechless, hurt, and everything else that comes with the feelings of friends not being their normal self.

summer breeze wraps it's calming arm around me

I just can't believe the luck with the weather. Two of my friends here at school have already gotten burnt, I hope to be the third. Need some color in me! I'll keep this short and sweet.

*To comment on the last post, I'm sorry about my anger, I just worry about people's lives and yah... it's who I am... can't help it.

I went home with Ali last weekend. Good ole Burlington Wisconsin. It wasn't too bad. We went to visit my friend Josh and Milwaukee and we went to a party and we all know what college parties are. And dont' think for a moment that I drank, wouldn't that just make me the worst hyppocrite ever? Being there wasn't soo bad, met some people, laughed, etc. I do know that I can't wait for Bethel. Let's just Bethel will have me. The next day we went around Lake Geneva, where she works on boats in the summertime, and she showed me around. There are magnificent houses off the water and they were just breathtaking. I enjoyed myself that day. We spent the rest of the time sitting in Starbucks reading. It was nice to actually do some homework. Plus I really liked my book, My Year of Meats. Everyone should read it. Ruth Ozeki is who wrote it. Hope you all look into it. Then we watched a movie and on Sunday we came back. I've been kind of stressed lately with this 10 page paper looming over me, and I've been writing it for about a week and I FINALLY FINISHED last night. I then corrected it, rearranged it, and took it to our school's Writing Center where they help you with some stuff your having problems on. Thank goodness I went, seriously. I could have been considered a plagarist!!! I didn't mean to, I just cited my paraphrases wrong. That would have been very detramental to my academics! I really wasn't trying to. At any rate, it made me feel really crappy, that I could be so careless. I just hope I fixed it all. My reading for the paper is Thursday, and I'm extremely nervous. Wish me luck!

I've been missing home and friends a lot this week. It's been right around a month since I've seen them and my heart hurts. I'm really glad for some of the friends I've made as WSU but nothing beats my friends that I have so much in common with. And then of course it is springtime, and we all know what that means. LoVe Is In ThE aIr and I just can't help but want it as well. You just see it everywhere yah know? I want to hold hands, I want to look into someone's eyes and see their love for me. I want to just goof around and tackle someone, I want to lay around in the warm spring breeze and get tickled. Oh well...it's just not my time. =) Don't worry, I accept it.

I'm in love with a song, "The Fear You Won't Fall" by Joshua Radin. Mmmm, got it off an epsiode of Grey's Anatomy.

Ok, my life beckons me to hit reality, homework calls! I hope I see you all this coming weekend because that would be the most wonderous thing ever.

Sister in Christ,
Amy <3

Bananas relieve stress! who knew!?

I'm sorry guys... I haven't been writing. It's just been crazy the last couple of weeks. Honestly, like this week, it was seven articles for News Writing!! Plus all the other homework and studying and reading and such that I had for all my other classes. After all that during a day, I just dont' feel like updating this thing. Plus I'm getting super excited that Ali and I have only a month left until finals!! Then I'm free as a bird from Winona State!! So yah, anyway here's a little bit of what's been going on since I updated last.

So basically last weekend Ali came up with me to Delano and we went to Heidi Fair's baby shower and it was wonderful cuz I went with Debbie. Then we went to Adam's house and played board games and I then we got into discussions, which are always fun. It's fun to just be around everyone. And of course Justin won Monopoly, but him and Nate were duking it out for quite some time. Saturday sucked because I had a panic attack cuz my car hates me and I was just getting over emotional.... heck, I'm a girl, it's what I do! OH YAH, this was supposed to be the weekend that I went to Nebraska with Karrah to go see Laura come home from Africa, but instead of coming home on Sunday, she came home on Wed. so the plans were shot, that's why I was home.

Anyway after my total suck fest of a day, we went to the Fair's house and ate pizza and sorta talked while we watched Pirates of the Carribbean, or however you spell it! I've never really been able to spell that correctly, it's an odd word. Wow, totally on a tangent. After that we went to Schony's house and played pool, fooseball, and I almost beat THREE people against me, and Justin was on the other team! That's right, I'm just that amazing! Haha.... of course I DIDNT win, so it's not that great, but I put up a good fight. Oh yah and Nate bought this expansion thing for a game we play and Justin read through the directions and it took us over 30 minutes to just figure out the new game! it was sooo funny. Like by the time we got the game underway and ended it (with Justin winning... it's in his contract) it was about 4 AM!!! HAha... the other people who were riding with us or the driver for us were going crazy, it was funny. But I had a great time. I'm glad Ali came up because we were just able to hang out with all my friends and they all like her and she really likes them back.

Sunday well... we def. did not get up for church, what with the late night and all. We ended up having natrop change my oil (YAY) and then Nate, Adam, Ali, and I went to Panera!! MMMMM delicious. So yah... Graham was working, introduced him to Ali and stuff.... and when we were done I went in the back to say goodbye and we honestly flirted so bad. I always feel guilty later because he's taken for one, and goll.. like honestly, I always tell my self I won't be such a flirt, but there's something about him that makes me loose my mind and I get giddy and I just want to be around him all the time. He's interesting, I mean I wanna keep getting to know him cuz I find him intriguing. And the way he touches me (that sounds bad, but it isn't) is just... nice. Like he'll touch my arm, or side, or hug me ever so softly, and whatever, but he makes me happy. I'm dumb, I know. It was cute though cuz when Ali and I got back into Winona he left me a text saying it was really good to see me and such, and of course I got my goofy smile on my face. Again I say, yah know... okay, I have my good days and my bad with Justin. I'm 90% fine with being his friend, but there are always those days where your just like, goll.... I miss him. I don't know if anyone else knows what I'm talking about, and I hope you guys aren't thinking that I'm still obsessed with the boy, but if you do, oh well. So anyway, I felt like that a little bit this weekend, just a little down because he's just great, and so Graham just lifts my spirits because it's not Justin, he makes me giddy, and I know there's going to be others out there; it's a hope thing. Sorry for all who didn't wanna hear that, but again this is my journal.... so I must write. Haha.

Well this week has been super busy, I just can't believe it. I've never been this busy with school since... well.... never!!! But Ali and I always find time to go on walks, try to get a bit of exercise yah know, and I'm feeling good! It's relaxing. Thank goodeness this weekend has come because I was about to burn out! During the day yesterday Ali, Julia, and I went to La Crosse and went shopping (SOMEHOW I BOUGHT NOTHING... oh wait, I'm cheap! lol. ) It was fun. Last night I hung out with the Elizabeth, Julia, Ali, Sarah, Josh, Rachel, Danielle, Ashley, and Kirsten who is Ashley's friend. We got coffee and walked around the courtyard and went on "Tour de Winona" with Rachel (funny girl) and I just had a lot of fun. It's nice to have some friends at school. It really is. I think I'll actually be sad to leave Winona now, who knew!

Then today Ali and I did some spring cleaning and moved everything from our rooms to our cars that we won't be using for the rest of the year. We're going to take it home when we go home next. It's sooo less cluttered here now. It's nice. Then we met up in Rochester with everyone to eat dinner, and did some more shopping and then came back here and watched 40 Year Old Virgin... talk about a loooong movie, kinda dirty. Oh well. Now I'm exhausted. I really need to work on my paper. That's what Sunday is for though right? Oh yah, and i'm sorry... these journals have sucked lately. It's just me spewing off the events of my life, no real emotion. I promise I'll work on that too. Sometimes I just freak out sharing my personal stuff on the internet, it's actually not the best ideas but... this goes way faster than trying to write it in a journal. =) Anyway, I'm off to bed. I hope you all are doing very well and I miss you all like crazy! I won't see anyone till Easter! I'm growing up. Haha.

Sister in Christ,
Amy <3>
Ahhh... three generations of the Fairs. All beautiful, all talented, and all soo young! I say congratulations to Heidi for her beautiful baby Kenna Noelle.