Whoever said that money makes you happy was completely and ridiculously wrong

Or were they?


That is the thing to ponder this evening. Money. The dollar sign. What does it all mean? This is what the Online Etymology Dictionary had to say:

c.1290, "coinage, metal currency," from O.Fr. moneie, from L. moneta "mint, coinage," from Moneta, a title of the Roman goddess Juno, in or near whose temple money was coined; perhaps from monere "advise, warn" (see monitor), with the sense of "admonishing goddess," which is sensible, but the etymology is difficult. Extended early 19c. to include paper money. To make money "earn pay" is first attested 1457. Highwayman's threat your money or your life first attested 1841. Phrase in the money (1902) originally meant "one who finishes among the prize-winners" (in a horse race, etc.). The challenge to put (one's) money where (one's) mouth is is first recorded 1942. Moneybags "rich person" is from 1818; money-grub "one who is sordidly intent on amassing money" is from 1768.

"highwayman's threat your money or your life"... sounds about right. It's a threat that is held over us time and again. It's never ceasing. You can almost bet that it's going to be a threat to you many times in your life. I know, I've been apart of it that last four years. And the funny thing is, it doesnt' even get easier. I mean look at if you get hit. A person will hit you once unexpected, and you will wonder what the heck?? Then they'll do it again and again, and eventually, you learn. But money... you can't learn money completely. Cuz money will hit you in the face a dozen or so times, then it'll go for the stomach. It's chaos theory really (hah sorry Adam, had to) You can't peg where it's going to hit, and what it's going to cost you, literally. Like me... car dies, cell phone goes over, school loans don't pull through, dont' make enough money to pay for school monthly, etc. And I know, my problems are so insignificant to so many others who are fighting to live. I'm not trying to take pity on myself, I'm just making a point. Why did money end up controlling our lives and when did we give it the say of what happens in our lives? And another question? Has money helped more people or screwed more people over?? I mean I'm sure no one has really "calculated" the wins and losses, but I still wonder... it's a thing i'll never understand.

I'm turning 20 in two short weeks. When on earth did 16 swing by? What happen to my teenage years? Did I relaly graduate cuz it felt like a dream. Dont' worry, I have no regrets for what I've done with my life. Regrets are pointless. I love my life. But it makes yah sad sometimes. I was working last night and I was going to throw the garbage in the back. When I walked back there the radio was playing "I Can Only Imagine". Ironic huh? Only because work is where I found out about Travis and October (21st to be specific) is the sixth month marker for his death. It was all too wierd. I had to stop and try not to panic. That's what I miss. Travis. Every so often it just feels like I'm ignoring a friend. And we all know how I get, I wanna please everyone all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean "ALL THE TIME". I hate displeasing people. So when it comes to Travis, I feel like I've failed him. I mean he's dead, so I haven't really, but it feels like it anyway sometimes. I can' twait to see him again... I hope it's like how I imagined. And then I wonder if he's aged, or does he stay that way forever. And if he stays that way, will we be old or like him? How will he recognize us? Will he just know? It's all too confusing. Anyway, enough about him for today...

Just one time this month I would like a boy to notice me. Like REALLY notice me. have to take a double take, give me that extra smile, diliberately make more converstaion than needed, hold me, love me. I'm not picky, one of those will do. I think one day out of two years is reasonable. I'm not asking for months or even weeks. I'm asking for one day. There was one boy who was close, he made me feel noticed. And not like all my friends notice me, like different. How, who knows. He doesn't act any different than my friends. I'm sure you guys know what feeling i'm talking about so I won't explain it. But yah, I want that one day to be soon... so if that could be arranged, that'd be great. (haha I know that's not possible but I had to say it)

On a happier note, I get my hair done tomorrow AND I get paid. Overtime will finally pay off. Haha. Let's just hope it's REALLY worth it. I've got an expensive lifestyle. ANd I mean I hope I have enough to start a really nice savings. That'd be sweet.