I know... it's like I TRY to find reasons not to be happy. I really don't. It just... I dunno.. happens?
So I spent the good part of a year building strong relationships with two wonderful people. Like I couldn't imagine life without them. And one friendship came from a break up. go figure. And the other came from me not wanting to choose a school, and just chose the only one I applied to. Now all I see is them... and not me. And it's stupid. Why was I pushed away when all I want to do is draw closer to them? Neither of them even TRY to contact me, and i'm pretty sure I try really hard with them. Okay, so I'm not getting married, and I don't have a boyfriend, do they really have to snub me for it? I've done everything I can to help with the wedding,but they don't even want my help. Yet others are asked. I mean they don't even care that I got into school that I'm happy in life right now. They couldn't care less or give me the time of day. I might as well be dead to them, cuz I doubt it'd phase them. Yes yes.. I'm in it.. sorta. Which is good. But it almost feels like i'm an obligation really. Well of course I should be in it (people say) because John and I have been friends forever... and Anna... well goll we lived with eachother for six months straight. Then I start to think what if I'm not even WANTED in the wedding anymore? I mean, you can't take that back from someone. How does one say, "hey.. um... I've been rethinking this wedding thing..." You don't. you just don't. So now they are just stuck with me. I don't get it.
As for the other one, well... she just stopped talking to me. I'm not sure what I did wrong. I'm sorry that you got what you wanted and I was left to figure it all out for myself. I'm sorry I'm not good enough for once a month.
I feel sad. I know I have other friends that I love dearly, but sometimes its just hard to lose ones you thought were gonna stay with you for at least longer than what it has been. Am I too crazy for them? Maybe. Well I'm sorry that I'm not serious enough, or I'm not a workaholic or perfect. I'm sorry i'm not loved like you guys are.
Its true your blogs have these dramatic High and low points. It would be interesting to graph these.
ReplyDeletePrayers and hugs dear! I love you. Let's play together soon.
ReplyDeleteI know it can be hard at times when everyone else seems to be moving on and forgetting about relationships. However, i think sometimes we forget to take everything into consideration and only want to see our side of the story. We forget that people are busy with school, work, family, and the list could go on and on. I have many friends i do not talk to for weeks, months or perhaps even a year, but when the time comes that we do meet or talk again it makes that moment so much more unique and i learn to cherish those times so much more. In some ways i almost enjoy it more that way then having someone i see or talk to daily. Things can become monotonous and all you begin to want is a break. We have to remember that we can not rely on people for our fulfillment of comfort, love, and joy. People fall short of expectations, sometimes unintentionally, but sometimes not. Unfortunately, we humans always tend to look at it negatively and always assume the worst. We need to learn to look to Christ for or fulfillment of comfort, love, and joy. For only he can provide these things and much more.
ReplyDeleteanother thing.
ReplyDeleteare you serious? you think you're loved less than anna and john? you of all people should not be complaining. john told me i'm not even invited to the wedding. i'm hoping he's kidding.