Kara... seriously??

To Kara: HAHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAH you make me laugh.
No, he did not eat a pound of flour.. I said ton. But yes, there was misconception there. It wasn't straight flour. He uses it to make fish and stuff. He just uses SO much cuz he gets it everywhere. So that's for that comment. Thank you for the laugh =)

I'm 20

Two decades of my life have already happened, and I'm schocked and amazed. i'm happy and sad all at the same time. Part of me feels useless and worried about things to come. The other part knows that God will help me through all the muck and that life will be a life worth living if I follow Him. I'm down with that. I pray that this year is the start of many where I walk closer to Him than ever before, leaving behind all the things that made me unclean or unpure. I wanna leave behind the thoughts that made me feel sad, the feelings that made me feel worse, and the regret of never letting go. What I hope for is to read my bible more, and REALLY understand what it says. I hope to become part of the conversation, instead of just listening to what's going on around me. I look forward to life closer to God and I hope that I can actually put these things into action instead of just writing.

To my friends: Thank you thank you thank you and thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me that you guys brought me out for dinner. It means the world to me. It just shows me how you guys care for me and that I really have amazing friends. I love you all very much and I thank you again.

Ok, wow, I'm sorta sappy and such arent' I? hmmm.... oh well. Deal guys! As a twenty year old, i'm wise as wise can be so what I says go! haha. Just kidding. I just felt the need to be sappy. Well that's all for today.

Amy

Where'd it all go?

1 1/2 boxes of fruit snacks
2 lbs. of turkey
1/2 a jar of Old Restuarante salsa
3/4 of a bag of chips
a ton of flour
10+ slices of swiss cheese
....who knows what else.

Where did it go you ask? Ding ding ding! My father. Go figure. Who knew a man could eat so much! We got groceries TWO nights ago... and look at all he ate. I'm horrified really. I know people can eat a lot... but THAT much? I'm at a loss for words....

Just kidding, I have tons of words!! i'm leaving for Iowa tomorrow night and I think I'm excited. I haven't seen Holly in quite a while and I've never seen her apartment. It'll be nice. I mean it is our birthday and as crazy as she drives me, I've seen her on our birthday every year. It'd be wrong not to. I'll only be down until Sat. morning so it's a perfect time. Then I have Saturday to do as I desire. I wanted to do a Corn Maze/Haunted Trail, but peopel seem soo disinterested. It's stupid. i'm bummed but hey, birthday's have never been uber fantastic. Which doesnt' make sense why I like them... hmm....

teen‧ag‧er–noun
a person in his or her teens.
A person between the ages of 13 and 19; an adolescent
n : a juvenile between the onset of puberty and maturity

maturity... ha. Not ready for that one. I'm still havin a hard time figuring this all out. Twenty. Ugh. Again I know it's wierd, I mean heck, I've been an adult for about two years. But it's just the end of an era, and end of the second decade of my life really. Does no one find this appalling? ::HAND RAISED:: Age is so wierd. We spend most of our lives trying to get older, and the other half wishing we could turn back the clock. Plus, I feel unaccomplished. I'm not sure why. I mean yes there are many famous children for the things they've done by like the age of 4, and I know this is not a common thing, but still, I dunno. It's wierd. That's why I'm hoping I can really get my butt in gear to finish at least the first draft by New Year's. I just need to stay focused.

Okay, losing focus... too tired to think. I bid you all a goodnight. happy readings.

amy

Whoever said that money makes you happy was completely and ridiculously wrong

Or were they?


That is the thing to ponder this evening. Money. The dollar sign. What does it all mean? This is what the Online Etymology Dictionary had to say:

c.1290, "coinage, metal currency," from O.Fr. moneie, from L. moneta "mint, coinage," from Moneta, a title of the Roman goddess Juno, in or near whose temple money was coined; perhaps from monere "advise, warn" (see monitor), with the sense of "admonishing goddess," which is sensible, but the etymology is difficult. Extended early 19c. to include paper money. To make money "earn pay" is first attested 1457. Highwayman's threat your money or your life first attested 1841. Phrase in the money (1902) originally meant "one who finishes among the prize-winners" (in a horse race, etc.). The challenge to put (one's) money where (one's) mouth is is first recorded 1942. Moneybags "rich person" is from 1818; money-grub "one who is sordidly intent on amassing money" is from 1768.

"highwayman's threat your money or your life"... sounds about right. It's a threat that is held over us time and again. It's never ceasing. You can almost bet that it's going to be a threat to you many times in your life. I know, I've been apart of it that last four years. And the funny thing is, it doesnt' even get easier. I mean look at if you get hit. A person will hit you once unexpected, and you will wonder what the heck?? Then they'll do it again and again, and eventually, you learn. But money... you can't learn money completely. Cuz money will hit you in the face a dozen or so times, then it'll go for the stomach. It's chaos theory really (hah sorry Adam, had to) You can't peg where it's going to hit, and what it's going to cost you, literally. Like me... car dies, cell phone goes over, school loans don't pull through, dont' make enough money to pay for school monthly, etc. And I know, my problems are so insignificant to so many others who are fighting to live. I'm not trying to take pity on myself, I'm just making a point. Why did money end up controlling our lives and when did we give it the say of what happens in our lives? And another question? Has money helped more people or screwed more people over?? I mean I'm sure no one has really "calculated" the wins and losses, but I still wonder... it's a thing i'll never understand.

I'm turning 20 in two short weeks. When on earth did 16 swing by? What happen to my teenage years? Did I relaly graduate cuz it felt like a dream. Dont' worry, I have no regrets for what I've done with my life. Regrets are pointless. I love my life. But it makes yah sad sometimes. I was working last night and I was going to throw the garbage in the back. When I walked back there the radio was playing "I Can Only Imagine". Ironic huh? Only because work is where I found out about Travis and October (21st to be specific) is the sixth month marker for his death. It was all too wierd. I had to stop and try not to panic. That's what I miss. Travis. Every so often it just feels like I'm ignoring a friend. And we all know how I get, I wanna please everyone all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean "ALL THE TIME". I hate displeasing people. So when it comes to Travis, I feel like I've failed him. I mean he's dead, so I haven't really, but it feels like it anyway sometimes. I can' twait to see him again... I hope it's like how I imagined. And then I wonder if he's aged, or does he stay that way forever. And if he stays that way, will we be old or like him? How will he recognize us? Will he just know? It's all too confusing. Anyway, enough about him for today...

Just one time this month I would like a boy to notice me. Like REALLY notice me. have to take a double take, give me that extra smile, diliberately make more converstaion than needed, hold me, love me. I'm not picky, one of those will do. I think one day out of two years is reasonable. I'm not asking for months or even weeks. I'm asking for one day. There was one boy who was close, he made me feel noticed. And not like all my friends notice me, like different. How, who knows. He doesn't act any different than my friends. I'm sure you guys know what feeling i'm talking about so I won't explain it. But yah, I want that one day to be soon... so if that could be arranged, that'd be great. (haha I know that's not possible but I had to say it)

On a happier note, I get my hair done tomorrow AND I get paid. Overtime will finally pay off. Haha. Let's just hope it's REALLY worth it. I've got an expensive lifestyle. ANd I mean I hope I have enough to start a really nice savings. That'd be sweet.

No thinking - that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is... to write,

I got that from Zach a couple of days ago... he told me that was his favorite quote from Finding Forrester, and I'm gonna have to agree with him. I was really saddened lately about my book, thinking it's not good enough, but then Zach gave me some few pointers and that quote, and he is completely right. My book may not be publishing ready, or even finished, but it's written with the heart first especially since it's such a real thing to write about. So I say thank you to Zach for making me feel better.

So anyway, hello all once again and HAPPY OCTOBER!! THE BEST MONTH IN THE WHOLE WORLD?! Why you ask? Let's see here, there's Halloween which is always exciting, and then these people's birthdays: John, Kelly, Adam, Robbie, Karrah, Chris Bingea, Mrs. Poppler, Seward's and of course.... Mine!!! Birthdays are really great. I love them (if you can't tell) Plus, October is just gorgeous with all the changing colors, and the hay rides and the bonfires... what's not to love about October? Tell me!

I had Ali up for the weekend, and let me tell you, what an adventure we had. We did more in the last couple of days then we did when she was here for a week! Go figure. I still worked a lot but I just lost out on sleep. Oh well, i'll make up for it... well... who knows. When I'm dead. So Thursday night she came and we just watched Grey's, and then I decided to have a random outing to St. Thomas to see Jen Jen and "the rock" It was fun. We brought our camera and juice boxes and blankets. We ended up taking 40+ pictures. Woops. If you would like to view them, facebook be the place. And let me tell you... they are fantastic. So then Friday rolled around and Ali and I lounged for most of the day, and then decided to go to Ridgedale to buy stuff before Delano's Homecoming game. We ended up stopping by to see Adam at work and Justin called and decided to come with us to the game. That was fun. Always good to see him. We sat with Anna's family and watched the game (we lost) and then watched Abby cheer and dance for danceline. I REALLY liked their dance! I mean it was a little... sexual... but I mean they did it well. What the hay, I love danceline. Anyway, after that we got some Subways and went to Justin's house to watch Wondershowzin or something... wow. Just wow. That is something that scars people for life. Literally. it was so bad. I can't believe there is a second season or that it even gets air time. Now Saturday I'm gonna sum up but wow, it was an interesting night. My friend Josh is in a new band (Reaching Scarlet, check it out sometime!!) and he was playing in the cities, so Ali and I went to watch him at the Toybox off of Hiawatha. It is soooooo goood. Soo good thatI bought a shirt. They remind me of No Doubt because they have a lead singer and her voice just reminds me of her. It's really unique. After that we all went to Josh's friend's house, Molly. The band came which was good cuz I felt super awkward earlier in the evening. I mean Ali and Josh were there but they were gettin a tad.. tipsy. heh. but then I met some cool people and had a lot of laughs. I really enjoyed myself. Like really really enjoyed myself. I mean yes, there was drinking and pot, but the people were interesting. Doesnt' mean I have to follow them, but it's just ... I dunno. I was really happy Ali came up. I kinda didn't want her to at first just because I was so stressed out but she actually calmed me down. It was nice to see her again and I'm sad that she had to leave. Oh well, I'll see her again soon!

So yes, that was my weekend. Now I get to work tomorrow and then Anna and I are going to decide my future. Ha. Like yes, my car broke down, can't get a loan for anything, and I don't know what to do anymore. Anna can't give me money, so she wants to try to figure this all out, cuz this is all she can give me but it's more than enough. I love the girl to death and I can't believe she just wants to do this. Crazy crazy girl. So lets hope we figure something out thats plausible. But yes, I've rambled... must stop. HAve a wonderful week all!!

Sister in Christ,
Amy