Last day of being 21- rEfLeCtIoN TiMe

When I was 20, sitting in my dorm and thinking, I'll be 21 tomorrow, I never knew that crazy things would happen. It was a high point and a low point for me, and I couldn't even begin to make sense of it all. I just couldn't. I remember saying that I was going to be a "slut" this year. And although I wasn't that (thank goodness) I did however date. Yes. I said date. Who knew I had it in me? Lol. Of course they were at the same time... and from wells fargo... and I didn't even really like one all that much... and the other one stopped talking to me... but I did date! All it proved was that I shouldn't just date randomly. I mean I think it was a good experience, and it made me happy at the time, but it just wasn't the best for me in the long run. oh well, you live you learn right?

I also had never had so many explosions with friends before. That was a new one. I mean I think most girls know that there will be drama all the time. it's inevitable. For people who say they dont' deal with drama, they are all liars. What I think we have all had a hard time dealing with is this silly little thing called growing up. Nobody wants it, nobody likes it, and nobody can be taught how to deal with it. It is unique to the individual and can only be taught through trial and error. What I mean is that we have been friends forever. Travis died, and this family was formed. We have been through everything together and have even survived the transition period of going to schools that are not 10 minutes apart and we do not live on the same road anymore. I couldn't even could the number of times I was told that all my best friends would coem from college. Not completely true. While I've met wonderful people in these last few years, I know that I still have my family and that I just keep adding to it. I think Travis kept us together, and now while we fight and get mad and just plain ole' ignore, we'll always be there for each other. How could we not? But what I'm getting at is that we have learned the hard way on how to deal with this. Denouncing friendship usually isn't the best way to stay friends with someone. Being mad at the distance that is caused from growing up isn't going to help. Becoming a hermit sure doesn't keep the friends either. And getting married causes drifts with people as well. Politics, religion, different friends, different lifestyles, they all cause "chaos" in our personal lives, leading us to attack each other for this and that. And I don't mean to be picking on any certain person, this is just a generalization of what has happened, and will continue to happen as we learn the long and frustrating passage of adulthood.

We are no longer able to hang out every night, have bonfires constantly, play games at Justin's, or skinny dip at Justin's. We are not able to talk to each other everyday, be in large groups, or have only one best friend. We don't have the time to keep up with everyone around us. I think the hardest part is that we still all want to be in this place. The place of comfort and control. And that's why we started butting heads anyway. By trying to live the lifestyle of five years ago, we actually cause more problems because your focus lasts too long on someone else. While satisfying one friend, we've upset another, and you are torn in two. Someday we'll get it right. Not now. but someday. And we'll all hopefully all still be around when that day comes. I think we will. how could we not?

Another year older also brings on a new era for me. No longer in the "fun ages", we continually refer to this now as the "all down hill" era. I disagree. While I'm not looking forward to the pressures of paying back the loans and finding my real job, I am looking forward to move on in a sense. School has been apart of me for what, 15 years? Something like that. I'm scared to move forward to a life without it, but we live such short lives here on earth and I'm looking forward to see what God has planned for us. Some of us have already started living this life. Anna and John are married and having a baby. Adam is going to be doing missions for two years. Laura still wants to live in Africa, and so forth. We are pushing foward, knowing that God has us firmly in His arms and won't let go of us. We move foward cuz we can trust in Him and live the lives He has planned for us. I'm excited to see what's in store for me! Isn't all just so amazing?

Alright, I'm done reflecting now. I can't wait for the next year in my life and to see what happens! it's like a movie really. Unfortunately you can rewind, fast foward, or pause at the good parts. you can't put it in slow motion (although sometimes it does it naturally) or see the minds of all the players involved. You can only sit back and watch what's in front of you, hearing the inner dialogue of the main character (YOU!). Enjoy the movie, cuz it's not that long.


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On a small tangent, I just wanted to say that Adam's party turned out really well. He had NO idea that we were throwing him one and he was completely shocked when we were all there. I think there was a little over 15 of us there, and he was swept up with emotion for the love we showed him. Thanks to everyone for making it a wonderful day for Adam and letting him know how much we care about him. Continue to give your love to him before he leaves us for two years! Pray for him, talk to him, love him!

Love you guys

Amy