~*Be OK*~

I've chosen this title for the "day after" blog for many reasons. One: It's the title of the album by Ingrid Michaelson that I just bought because I have a very big addiction to music. It's okay, I admit it. Deal with. It just means that everyone around me can download my library of music. haha. Two: That's how i'll sum up my life. I'll be okay. I will. Because days like yesterday exist and I can breath easily once again. I love that

Yesterday pretty much went perfectly. I didn't wake up until 11. Then I got to go see my mommy and we ate ice cream and watched "Baby Mama". I personally found it a nice comic relief, but it probably wouldn't of been that good on any other day. But the weather was nice, mom was happy, and everything was right in the world. Then I went and put a flower on Travis' grave. Since he died on April 21st, the 6-month marker is my birthday. I feel like I should honor him and so I try to go out there on my birthday every year. And the day was just soooo nice that I could just sit with him for a while. I took a really sweet picture there too. but anyway, I loved having that moment with him. I know it'll never do and that I'd rather just call him and say hello, but such is life. It was peacful. I chatted, he listened. I told him that I love him and that he is the friend that will never change. Technically he can't at this point, but I don't care. there is just something inside of me that can't let me leave him behind. His life was taken and he should still be along for the ride. At least he can be on my ride. I don't mind ;)

After my moment I drove to the Knapton's field and bought pumpkins!! YAY! Now Jen and I can carve them! How exciting!! I love carving pumpkins, even though I've only done it like three times or maybe even four. It's fun though. Then I tried to go see my second set of "parents" but they weren't home! JOE AND DEBBIE WHERE WERE YOU?!?!?! Lol. It's okay, the sang me happy birthday on a message later that evening, so I'll live. Oh! then I went to Target to kill some time and I found this adorbale and soft monkey and so I HAD to buy it for Anna and John's baby! I couldnt' resist!! And when I rang it up the lady was like "this is the type of thing that kid's hold on to forever" which of course is what I was going for. So YAY! I feel awesome about that. And by buying that present, I actually got to SEE John and Anna!!! I love them oh so very much and it makes me happy to see them, even if it is for only a few minutes.

There were some herdles at this point. Holly had a bad day, and of course it just got worse and I had partial blame for that. I love her and I just wanted to see her and be happy. Hopefully we can have a sister day soon and it won't be so bad. i'll make it up to her. I promise. I just sometimes feel like she thinks I dont' care about her. But I do, I really do. The older we get, the more I love her and it kills me when she's sad like that. Sigh...

Of course there was dinner later, at this super nice restaurant called "Figlios" and it was in Uptown which is fun. But when I got there everyone was either upset, or confused, or frustrated, so I in turn got upset. I mean it didn't last long but a lot of it was unneccesary tension. Just put on your happy faces for me please!!!!! lol. Alyssa and Justin were an hour late, but I forgive them because trying to get to Calhoun Square is a joke. It's so hard to do!!!1 I get lost every single time. Man. Oh well, at least I wasn't driving otherwise I would have never made it. So thank Jen! What made me happy about dinner was the prayer Justin said. It was ridiculous. I can't remember it word for word, but it really meant a lot to me. For him to talk about me and Holly and how we have impacted his life, well, it's things like that that make me happy and forget all the bad things he does to me. That is the side of Justin I really got to know first, and that's why I have such a hard time with him usually. He is genuine and caring, he just never shows it. But I love that he can pull it out on my birthday, because that's when it matters most. At least he knows that. I'd rather have that than for him to buy me something. Gifts are gifts, no matter what it is or how much it costs.

Anyway, everyone came back to the house and gave me presents! PRESENTS! Can you believe it? It was wierd. Like ok, I'm really used to giving all the attention to people and loving them and making sure they feel loved. It is what I do and I love it. Nothing pleases me more than making my friends happy. but It's awkward to have it right back at you. Not that people ignore me, but as Alyssa put it, it was complete "undivided attention" that they were giving me. I felt out of my element. And people got me NICE gifts. I won't go into it, but it really was one of those moments where you say, awwww you shouldn't have. no really... you shouldn't have! It was nuts. But I do fully accept them now and I promise to love and cherish them all. Thank you guys for being wonderful and really making me feel happy and special.

Alright, i've rambled as usual and managed to blow off homework for a long time. I must go now!! love you all, thank you again for everything, love you.

Amy