My trip is coming to an end and I can't decide where I lie with my feelings. I guess it's easy to have hundreds of emotions all at the same time, even if they seem like complete opposites. Like right now I am at ease about coming home, yet deeply saddened, and ecstatic, and nervous, and contemplative. What will Mn hold for me and what has changed?? And I don't mean like I'll come back and everyone is either A) Dating B) Married C) Engaged or D) Preggo. While SOME of that is true (hee hee) I just feel weird about coming home. Maybe it's a normal feeling; I wouldn't know, I've never been gone this long.
I'm saddened and nervous and contemplative because I really do love Hawaii. Not just the tourist stuff but everything. Ya know? Like I love the warmth. I like the beaches, I don't mind the bus system (even when it does take FOREVER) I don't mind walking everywhere when we miss the bus, I love it really. And I like getting to know people. Of course it's always a hard thing to do because I feel so unsure of myself in making new friends. Weird right? I should be the easiest person to make friends with! I love meeting people. But maybe that's just at the surface level. maybe I'm scared to let people really know me deep down. but I'm obviously getting a LOT of practice here. I think there are five people here that I have really been excited to get to know. One being Laura, then Jamie, Christie, and Ann. Oh and Stephen. And Steve... and Dan... and man the list can keep going. They are all SOO different than you guys back home. Which has made it difficult and easy all at the same time. How weird! Like... Laura, Jamie, and Christie remind me of the good high school years when I actually hung out with Delano people. And I don't mind it. It's weird cuz I almost feel torn to be myself or go back to who I was. Which one was better? I will never know. But I'm happy God has brought me here and made me take this step. It's been an interseting (and EXPENSIVE) trip. But it's worked out!
And now of course the reasons I'm excited. Who wouldn't be! I mean like I was saying the other day, I'd rather freeze and be with all my friends than be anywhere without them. I know Seward always tells me that we all need to get out of our little bubble of friends and experience other things, and while I agree with that, I love that I can come home to my wonderful friends. Yes they get mad, frustrated, jealous, etc. just like any friend would, but at the end of the day i know that they care for me and I care right back at them. :) And I miss my sister. and my mother. Who knew!! Jk. Seriously though, being gone for this long makes me wonder how I could ever move out of the tri-state area! LIke what if I do decide to go to Seattle Pacific?? how will I deal? I dunno, I guess that's where God comes in and I stop thinking about it. If that's where I'm supposed to go, God will comfort me and help me through it. But ahh!! 6 more days and I see all my wonderful people!!!! Life is good.
I think that's it. Yep. I'm done for now. I can't wait for my return into normal life! Oh how wonderful!
<3>
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I wish I may
Do you ever find that you wish for things? All the time? And after you've gotten what you wished for, you tend to wish for something else? Is life just one big wish? And if by wishing are we wasting time like when we just want to get past those classes and just want summer to happen or just want friday to come? Are we wasting our lives by sitting waiting and wishing? Oh Jack Johnson, he's oh so wise. lol.
I just was walking home with my Hawaii peeps and was thinking about how I wish too much. Does wishing get me anywhere? And does wishing mean I'm asking God or am I just tempting the fates that I don't believe in? I guess I just thought that I wish for things and hope that they'll happen but i know it won't truly make me happy. Sometimes I wish for contentment. And then I feel like I get it. But then something takes it away.
Maybe what really spurred this on is my progression in my faith on this trip. Like I've been wanting to read the Bible and wanting to listen to sermons, but now I feel more attacked than ever. Things cross my mind like "do these people really like me on the trip?" or "am I really the fattest person on this trip?" or "do people really like me or do they like me cuz i'm nice?". Those are all the most ridiculous questions ever and they are there. It drives me nuts. And then someone will say something nice about me or I'll feel pretty and happy and then I get taken down a notch or two. Why can't I just learn about the Bible, feel pretty, and NOT get taken down by whatever is taking me down whether it be my own head or satan? Does this make sense? I guess it doesn't really have to. It's just my blog. I guess I wish (haha) that there could be an easy way. but who doesn't wish for that??
I just was walking home with my Hawaii peeps and was thinking about how I wish too much. Does wishing get me anywhere? And does wishing mean I'm asking God or am I just tempting the fates that I don't believe in? I guess I just thought that I wish for things and hope that they'll happen but i know it won't truly make me happy. Sometimes I wish for contentment. And then I feel like I get it. But then something takes it away.
Maybe what really spurred this on is my progression in my faith on this trip. Like I've been wanting to read the Bible and wanting to listen to sermons, but now I feel more attacked than ever. Things cross my mind like "do these people really like me on the trip?" or "am I really the fattest person on this trip?" or "do people really like me or do they like me cuz i'm nice?". Those are all the most ridiculous questions ever and they are there. It drives me nuts. And then someone will say something nice about me or I'll feel pretty and happy and then I get taken down a notch or two. Why can't I just learn about the Bible, feel pretty, and NOT get taken down by whatever is taking me down whether it be my own head or satan? Does this make sense? I guess it doesn't really have to. It's just my blog. I guess I wish (haha) that there could be an easy way. but who doesn't wish for that??
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sun/color/beach/water/everything I'd want in the month of January!
What a crazy whirlwind Hawaii has been! I've been so busy so I haven't been writing! But at the same time I don't want to share ALL my stories right away cuz then I won't have things to share when I get back! and that's never fun. :) But I will update a little bit because it's fun and it's of course what I do! Seriously..... I've been journaling SO MUCH on this trip! Between blogging, school journal, personal daily journal, and the journal I've been keeping for my Bible readings, I've journaled at least 20 pages. It's ridiculous. But I love that I have the time to do so. It's so rare in my life that i'm really excited that I get this opportunity. Especially since I get to spend time with God. I think that's the biggest thing. I really wanted to grow in my faith, and this is actually turning out to be the best place to do it. And I even listen to a bunch of sermons on the beach or when i'm on the bus! I've finished 2 1/2 already! Go Mark Driscoll, you're my favorite!!
Sorry... that had nothing to do with the trip all that much. I guess I'll sum up and say that I've been hiking, to several beaches, snorkeled, and surfed. It's been pretty crazy. We've also been to Chinatown and a Hawaiian Church for class. And on Wednesday we get to go to the Polynesian Culture Center and that ends with a luao!! I'm really excited! It'll be fun. And then we already have our long weekend and then we have a speaker next week and Obama's inauguration and Pearl Harbor and then Olivia comes and then we're home already! AHH!!! Soo busy! And of course my freaking special ed class stuff. UGAHGAOIERAWOFI!!!!!!!! The class drives me insane! I think I'm becoming a racist by being in the class. Okay.... so I'm dramatic. Just kidding. But seriously, you would go crazy too! Unless.... well.... unless you are wonderful like some people and can put up with stupidity and whiny people who need to just.... ah. okay. I'm done with that. No negativity here!!
What else?? I finally got color THE OTHER DAY! I've been laying out like a mofo and haven't recieved the slightest bit of proof that I've actually been in Hawaii until now. But we were thinking (like our group of girls here) that maybe we are tanning so gradually that we couldn't tell on ourselves. We'll def. be able to tell when we come home! YAY! And hopefully I'll be a tad skinnier (a girl can dream right). I think I could because we are so super active here and the days we aren't active, I go running with my friend Ann. (I realized we had J-term together last semester too! How crazy!) But yes, i'll be a skinny tan girl. mmmm.... I'm likin the sounds of that!
I guess that's it for now! I don't want to share more. I'm keeping my stories to myself. Yah... i'm selfish like that.
Just remember that I miss you all like crazy because apparently I'm bad at having mini "goodbyes". Yikes. I'm growing though. No worries. :) Love you
Amy
Sorry... that had nothing to do with the trip all that much. I guess I'll sum up and say that I've been hiking, to several beaches, snorkeled, and surfed. It's been pretty crazy. We've also been to Chinatown and a Hawaiian Church for class. And on Wednesday we get to go to the Polynesian Culture Center and that ends with a luao!! I'm really excited! It'll be fun. And then we already have our long weekend and then we have a speaker next week and Obama's inauguration and Pearl Harbor and then Olivia comes and then we're home already! AHH!!! Soo busy! And of course my freaking special ed class stuff. UGAHGAOIERAWOFI!!!!!!!! The class drives me insane! I think I'm becoming a racist by being in the class. Okay.... so I'm dramatic. Just kidding. But seriously, you would go crazy too! Unless.... well.... unless you are wonderful like some people and can put up with stupidity and whiny people who need to just.... ah. okay. I'm done with that. No negativity here!!
What else?? I finally got color THE OTHER DAY! I've been laying out like a mofo and haven't recieved the slightest bit of proof that I've actually been in Hawaii until now. But we were thinking (like our group of girls here) that maybe we are tanning so gradually that we couldn't tell on ourselves. We'll def. be able to tell when we come home! YAY! And hopefully I'll be a tad skinnier (a girl can dream right). I think I could because we are so super active here and the days we aren't active, I go running with my friend Ann. (I realized we had J-term together last semester too! How crazy!) But yes, i'll be a skinny tan girl. mmmm.... I'm likin the sounds of that!
I guess that's it for now! I don't want to share more. I'm keeping my stories to myself. Yah... i'm selfish like that.
Just remember that I miss you all like crazy because apparently I'm bad at having mini "goodbyes". Yikes. I'm growing though. No worries. :) Love you
Amy
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Aloah, Ala Moana, Mahalo
Look! I learn Hawaiian words!! i'm fantastic!!
Yes! I am in Hawaii! It's exciting and new and... i'm exhausted! The last two days have definitely been interesting. I might as well tell my travel story because it seems that I've already started telling lots of people. Basically we got the MSP airport at 9AM to find out that the flight had been cancelled due to some mechanical issues. So they had to find all 24 of us new flights!! Some ended up on a flight directly to Hawaii, while others were sent to Seattle and LA (the LAers spent the night there!) I was the one that got sent to Vegas, LA, THEN Hawaii. So we waited around the airport until 2:30 and then got to Vegas by like 5 or 6 something... can't really remember. But it was good being there again because I really never thought I'd see Vegas in my life again! but there I was! And it made me think of Zach, Justin, and Kara and I even got to see the strip from the sky! it was exciting (and dont' worry... i took pictures!)
Then our flight from Las Vegas to LA was ridiculous.... the drink cart had just gotten to us, aisle 15, and we started to land! I think we were only in the air for a good 25 minutes. It was a joke of a flight. So we rushed to our terminal in LA to find out that our flight wasn't leaving at 7:55..... it was leaving at 11:15 due to more mechanical issues!!!! Everyone was really stressed out by all of this and I started to get a migraine. I was not a happy camper. Bethel paid for our dinner, and I tried to sleep on the floor in the airport, but nothing helped. Finally I just threw up twice and called it a day. I couldn't keep ANYTHING down. Stupid headache.
Once we boarded the airplane things went better for me. I pretty much conked out for most of the night. I watched half of one more, and blinked my eyes open a few times to see the other, and that was it. I was just exhausted and I needed tat headache to end! Luckily it did by the time we reached Hawaii!
So after all that madness, we ended in this wonderful place and I'm so excited to spend like 24 days here!! It's going to be so great! We spent our first day here sleeping and then hanging out at the mall and beach. It was wonderful. It's very different than Minnesota. The mall is like half indoor and half outdoor, but nothing like Arbor Lakes.... it's weird really. And the weather wasn't humid or anything! it was most like a pure 80 degrees. It was great. And the ocean... oh the ocean..... I LOVE IT!!! :)
I did however shove my hand in my suitcase to unpack, but I apparently left my razor face up so I sliced my finger pretty bad. thank goodness for all my band-aids i brought!
Alright, I can't give my whole entire trip away. I just wanted to let everyone know that i'm here and loving it and I think it'll be some pretty outstanding weeks for all of us! Love you guys and miss you lots!!
Amy
Yes! I am in Hawaii! It's exciting and new and... i'm exhausted! The last two days have definitely been interesting. I might as well tell my travel story because it seems that I've already started telling lots of people. Basically we got the MSP airport at 9AM to find out that the flight had been cancelled due to some mechanical issues. So they had to find all 24 of us new flights!! Some ended up on a flight directly to Hawaii, while others were sent to Seattle and LA (the LAers spent the night there!) I was the one that got sent to Vegas, LA, THEN Hawaii. So we waited around the airport until 2:30 and then got to Vegas by like 5 or 6 something... can't really remember. But it was good being there again because I really never thought I'd see Vegas in my life again! but there I was! And it made me think of Zach, Justin, and Kara and I even got to see the strip from the sky! it was exciting (and dont' worry... i took pictures!)
Then our flight from Las Vegas to LA was ridiculous.... the drink cart had just gotten to us, aisle 15, and we started to land! I think we were only in the air for a good 25 minutes. It was a joke of a flight. So we rushed to our terminal in LA to find out that our flight wasn't leaving at 7:55..... it was leaving at 11:15 due to more mechanical issues!!!! Everyone was really stressed out by all of this and I started to get a migraine. I was not a happy camper. Bethel paid for our dinner, and I tried to sleep on the floor in the airport, but nothing helped. Finally I just threw up twice and called it a day. I couldn't keep ANYTHING down. Stupid headache.
Once we boarded the airplane things went better for me. I pretty much conked out for most of the night. I watched half of one more, and blinked my eyes open a few times to see the other, and that was it. I was just exhausted and I needed tat headache to end! Luckily it did by the time we reached Hawaii!
So after all that madness, we ended in this wonderful place and I'm so excited to spend like 24 days here!! It's going to be so great! We spent our first day here sleeping and then hanging out at the mall and beach. It was wonderful. It's very different than Minnesota. The mall is like half indoor and half outdoor, but nothing like Arbor Lakes.... it's weird really. And the weather wasn't humid or anything! it was most like a pure 80 degrees. It was great. And the ocean... oh the ocean..... I LOVE IT!!! :)
I did however shove my hand in my suitcase to unpack, but I apparently left my razor face up so I sliced my finger pretty bad. thank goodness for all my band-aids i brought!
Alright, I can't give my whole entire trip away. I just wanted to let everyone know that i'm here and loving it and I think it'll be some pretty outstanding weeks for all of us! Love you guys and miss you lots!!
Amy
Saturday, January 03, 2009
~*Hawaii*~
Hello one and all!!! I know I've talked about Hawaii like a million gillion times, but I'm OFFICIALLY leaving tomorrow! I couldn't be more excited!!!! I'm a little nervous but things like this don't happen to me often so I'm taking it all in and trying my best not to be freaked out about leaving everyone I know behind. It's not like me! If I go somewhere, I ALWAYS bring people along with me! Haha. Or I'm going somewhere alone to someone. But anyway, I hope you all know I love you and will miss you and at least it's only 3 1/2 weeks! :)
I'm basically writing this message because I wanted to say that I won't be bringing my cell phone with me. Weird right? It's hard for me but I was sitting with Molly Taylor and there was an epiphany made. It basically was that I shouldn't have one foot in Hawaii and one in Minnesota. I should give Hawaii my full attention... and I can't do that with my cell phone. I want to meet new people and do new things, and not have my cell attached to me like it was my breathing device. So it won't be on. And I'm going to try to refrain from using my facebook and e-mail because I do not want to have it consume me while I'm gone. Plus if I'm talking to all of you on facebook, I won't have any fun stories for when I get back.
I know I'll be updating my blog, so that's a good way to keep updated with me. And I know I'll be updated photos frequently, so have no fear. And again, just e-mail me if your desperate but I know you'll all be ok with me gone. Most of us have gone this long apart from each other.... school does that to you.
Have a wonderful January friends! I'll be back on the 28th!!! Make good choices!!!! :)
<3>
I'm basically writing this message because I wanted to say that I won't be bringing my cell phone with me. Weird right? It's hard for me but I was sitting with Molly Taylor and there was an epiphany made. It basically was that I shouldn't have one foot in Hawaii and one in Minnesota. I should give Hawaii my full attention... and I can't do that with my cell phone. I want to meet new people and do new things, and not have my cell attached to me like it was my breathing device. So it won't be on. And I'm going to try to refrain from using my facebook and e-mail because I do not want to have it consume me while I'm gone. Plus if I'm talking to all of you on facebook, I won't have any fun stories for when I get back.
I know I'll be updating my blog, so that's a good way to keep updated with me. And I know I'll be updated photos frequently, so have no fear. And again, just e-mail me if your desperate but I know you'll all be ok with me gone. Most of us have gone this long apart from each other.... school does that to you.
Have a wonderful January friends! I'll be back on the 28th!!! Make good choices!!!! :)
<3>
Thursday, January 01, 2009
The New Year
Another year. It seems like just another year. Especially since I had to work (first time in five years) and I didn't get to go play broomball with my wonderful friends. But I got over it. I'm the newbie at BWW so I can't expect to get everyday I want off. So I made do. I just spent the night at Kara's house and that's okay. But what I'm excited about is the fact that 2008 is over and I might possible get to start all over and have a wonderful year. This year I am not going to randomly date two guys. This year I am not going to have a stressful crappy filled summer (although some of it was amazing!!) This year will just be wonderful. Hopefully. I know I'm such an optimistic person and I know that just because it's a new year doesn't mean that it will be a perfect year. It's okay. Nothing is ever perfect. But there is always the possibility that it could be! And I think anything will be better than last year! lol.
I'm also sorry that I have not written!! It's been a crazy couple of months. After thanksgiving I went to see Ali for her birthday in Milwaukee. It was good. It's a different lifestyle that I'm not used to though. I don't go out to bars. I don't party. I don't drink a lot. But it's always good cuz I love to see Ali and what the heck, it's a birthday and I never say no to birthdays! Plus she gave me a night all to myself and we went to this sweet restaurant that I wont' even explain because I want to bring someone and surprise them! let's just say it involves spies and it's sweet.
Then of course I had finals. AHH!! finals were sooo stressful! i ended up staying up for 37 hours writing my final research thesis paper! talk about hardcore. It wasn't like I wasn't doing the work, it's just that the research took way longer than expected and I had to write about 18 pages in 2 days. It was just busy. And then of course I got sick from working on my paper and working like quadruple shifts. It was super bad. But now I am healthy and ready for Hawaii!!
Speaking of Hawaii.... I leave in like 3 days!!!! That's so wonderful! And I know it'll be wonderful even though I don't know anybody. It's going to be good. And plus, look at me! I'm all grown up! I'm going to be leaving my friends for 3 1/2 WEEKS!!! That's amazing for me. I don't leave my bubble cuz I'm always scared that they won't miss me and it'll all be different when I get back. But I know I'm crazy and so it's good that I'm going. And I'm sooo busy until I leave with dinners, and friends, and happy stuff! Couldn't be better than this!!!
I'll have to write more later cuz I have to go to work. LAME. Bye!
<3>
I'm also sorry that I have not written!! It's been a crazy couple of months. After thanksgiving I went to see Ali for her birthday in Milwaukee. It was good. It's a different lifestyle that I'm not used to though. I don't go out to bars. I don't party. I don't drink a lot. But it's always good cuz I love to see Ali and what the heck, it's a birthday and I never say no to birthdays! Plus she gave me a night all to myself and we went to this sweet restaurant that I wont' even explain because I want to bring someone and surprise them! let's just say it involves spies and it's sweet.
Then of course I had finals. AHH!! finals were sooo stressful! i ended up staying up for 37 hours writing my final research thesis paper! talk about hardcore. It wasn't like I wasn't doing the work, it's just that the research took way longer than expected and I had to write about 18 pages in 2 days. It was just busy. And then of course I got sick from working on my paper and working like quadruple shifts. It was super bad. But now I am healthy and ready for Hawaii!!
Speaking of Hawaii.... I leave in like 3 days!!!! That's so wonderful! And I know it'll be wonderful even though I don't know anybody. It's going to be good. And plus, look at me! I'm all grown up! I'm going to be leaving my friends for 3 1/2 WEEKS!!! That's amazing for me. I don't leave my bubble cuz I'm always scared that they won't miss me and it'll all be different when I get back. But I know I'm crazy and so it's good that I'm going. And I'm sooo busy until I leave with dinners, and friends, and happy stuff! Couldn't be better than this!!!
I'll have to write more later cuz I have to go to work. LAME. Bye!
<3>
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)