This little house of a place

My trip is coming to an end and I can't decide where I lie with my feelings. I guess it's easy to have hundreds of emotions all at the same time, even if they seem like complete opposites. Like right now I am at ease about coming home, yet deeply saddened, and ecstatic, and nervous, and contemplative. What will Mn hold for me and what has changed?? And I don't mean like I'll come back and everyone is either A) Dating B) Married C) Engaged or D) Preggo. While SOME of that is true (hee hee) I just feel weird about coming home. Maybe it's a normal feeling; I wouldn't know, I've never been gone this long.

I'm saddened and nervous and contemplative because I really do love Hawaii. Not just the tourist stuff but everything. Ya know? Like I love the warmth. I like the beaches, I don't mind the bus system (even when it does take FOREVER) I don't mind walking everywhere when we miss the bus, I love it really. And I like getting to know people. Of course it's always a hard thing to do because I feel so unsure of myself in making new friends. Weird right? I should be the easiest person to make friends with! I love meeting people. But maybe that's just at the surface level. maybe I'm scared to let people really know me deep down. but I'm obviously getting a LOT of practice here. I think there are five people here that I have really been excited to get to know. One being Laura, then Jamie, Christie, and Ann. Oh and Stephen. And Steve... and Dan... and man the list can keep going. They are all SOO different than you guys back home. Which has made it difficult and easy all at the same time. How weird! Like... Laura, Jamie, and Christie remind me of the good high school years when I actually hung out with Delano people. And I don't mind it. It's weird cuz I almost feel torn to be myself or go back to who I was. Which one was better? I will never know. But I'm happy God has brought me here and made me take this step. It's been an interseting (and EXPENSIVE) trip. But it's worked out!

And now of course the reasons I'm excited. Who wouldn't be! I mean like I was saying the other day, I'd rather freeze and be with all my friends than be anywhere without them. I know Seward always tells me that we all need to get out of our little bubble of friends and experience other things, and while I agree with that, I love that I can come home to my wonderful friends. Yes they get mad, frustrated, jealous, etc. just like any friend would, but at the end of the day i know that they care for me and I care right back at them. :) And I miss my sister. and my mother. Who knew!! Jk. Seriously though, being gone for this long makes me wonder how I could ever move out of the tri-state area! LIke what if I do decide to go to Seattle Pacific?? how will I deal? I dunno, I guess that's where God comes in and I stop thinking about it. If that's where I'm supposed to go, God will comfort me and help me through it. But ahh!! 6 more days and I see all my wonderful people!!!! Life is good.

I think that's it. Yep. I'm done for now. I can't wait for my return into normal life! Oh how wonderful!

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