Hmm... may be my last blog for the school year!

As I sit on my desk, I look around at... nothing. The walls have been stripped of their memories, scrubbed from the marks we've made of people's heights, and all that's left is the walls we were given. Ali's parents are coming today to move out the larger things (futon, fridge, things that won't be needed in the next week) and it's all coming to an end. I mean I'm only here until Wednesday and I'm off, never to return again. So now I must ponder over my last year. I've noticed that most of my blog was EXPLAINING what's going on, not my feelings or anything, which is sad. So... here I go on my last blog of the year!

It's been a year, quite a year. You've all heard my ups and downs with my room mate, friends, classes, drinking, etc. I dunno. It's wierd, I'm oddly calm about all of it now (minus the drinking, you've all heard me spazz. haha) I understand that this is what college is, kids rebelling. Most didn't grow up in my household. I didn't have a LOT of rules, I have no need to rebel. I also have that "gut feeling" that hits me whenever I know I'm doing something really baad. Although the year, I seemed to be bitter towards winona, always wanting to come, it's sorta not the case. The thing is, I love my friends at home more than anyone knows. Does it have to do with a loss of Travis? Maybe. But I loved these people (you all) before that happened because after switching groups of friends yearly since 4th grade, I was tired of the people I was with. Then I was introduced to everyone. And I'm blessed to have such a diverse group. Pastors, Writers, Nurses, Teachers, Film makers, Designers, etc. We're consuming the world with all are talents. It's amazing. And I think we are where God wants us. I hope you all notice this. And yes, some of us don't know what we're doing, but it'll come, I know it will.

I know a lot of people agree that their first year wasn't what we were expecting. Some want to switch. Which I am doing, I'm not sticking it out. But I do believe strongly that this first year was an eye opener, and a walk on God's path to where he's leading me (if that makes sense). My purpose for here was Ali, and others that saw me for who I was. I think Bethel is a blessing, I did not really believe I would get accepted. I prayed to God that if I am meant to go, to accept me. I know it's childish, but I didn't think it'd happen. But it did. And I still prayed, I continue to pray. I worry sometimes, but I really do feel this is where I'm supposed to be now. I'm doing my best to follow God because my decisions without him are never good. Without God I am nothing.

I've made friends here, wouldnt' seem like it the way I talk when I'm at home, but I have. Not best friends, but friends that got me through the year, especially when Anna left. That was hard. I was so used to having the past with me at school, I didn't look forward to what was following. By the grace of God I met a group of people (Josh, Danielle,Sarah, Elizabeth, Ashley, Julia, Rachael, Ali) that just really made me smile. Among those listed where the random peopel here and there that also kept me going. I will miss them. I've had some good talks with all of them, about God too, and I think those were the strongest ones.

With that, I don't think I have much else to say except for the fact that I've grown. I know now that we most grow up, but that doesnt' mean we stop being friends with one another. I've learned that sometimes you have to do what you don't want to, but in the end it's something that you're glad you did, I learned that college molds you into what you want to be, and just because something bad is happening doesn't mean you have to conform to it, I learned that we try so hard to stay in the past that we are letting the present and the future whip past us without even taking part in it. Life is short, life is precious, and we need to live it up!

I think should bid you all ado. I wish you all the best of luck with finals, and don't stress too much. one step at a time... do what you can, but don't push yourself. So you get a B instead of an A, just take it as it is guys. I love you all.

Sister in Christ
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