The He Said She Said Game

I just wrote a poem, entilted the title for this blog. It's fantastic, it's raw, it's straight from the heart. I would love to post it, but yet I feel I would be raising a little bit of uneasieness.... if that makes sense. I mean you all have to take this as hypothetical, otherwise hmm.... it'd be interesting. Lol.

The He said She said Game


If you were to come back, come back and tell me something new
That you had always loved me, that your heart had always been true
You’d imagine us together, like we’d never been apart,
You’d tell me that’d you would never let me go, that you were in it from the start
But think again, you were wrong; I’m not in it this time
Don’t give me that look, you knew this was coming, don’t make me tell you why.

I had been the one with the dreams, the one with the hopes, the one with the smiles
And from what I knew, you were feeling just as I did, we were unified.
But then you started playing the game,
And giving me the blame,
I was clingy, you were better, I wasn’t good enough for you
If you were in it from the start, why am I the one with the broken heart?
If you knew I was the one, then why were these words coming undone?
From inside of your mouth to the girl you like
Is it fair to me? No not at all

I was there too, don’t you forget that
I saw everything that happened, and believe me, my memory was better than yours.
Don’t deny what you said, you’ve told me the truth before,
But if you were lying from the start, I want to see you out that door
Into the world where I won’t see you anymore
I just wish you would have been honest, instead of killing me to the core.

So now the roles are switched, and your saying you want me back,
You say these things never happened that I shouldn’t believe everything I hear.
Well too late for that, it seems the others told me more than you did

I will still be friends with you no matter what you did or do to me
Because I was the one that was sincere, you were everything I wanted you to be
You chose the ‘he said she said game’ whereas I never wanted to play the game
So live with the choices you’ve made
I can’t be there anymore for you, don’t expect me to
I’m done, I’ve had it, I’m through with you


Ah it gives me shivers. Mmm... I like it. I dunno. I just felt driven to write as I was walking back from a girl's dorm. And you guys don't have to agree, that's the beauty of poems. It means what you want, you write what you want and what you feel, and well, people will like it or they won't. And I'm not worried or afraid that people will take it the wrong way because well, whatever. I shouldn't hide who I am or what i think beause this is my blog. So speak away I will do. Haha.

Well welcome to my 100th post, I must say I'm glad I'm still writing. My goals haven't changed from what I started this my Freshman year. I still strive to be a writer, an excellent writer at that, and I hope that this is what God wants me to be for it'd be a shame to have such a talent and not use it. Considering this is my best talent. =) With school winding down and life moving in fast forward once again, I feel nervous about where I'll end up. But I won't bore you with that, I've said it before and you know that prayers are always welcomed.

I said goodbye to my dear friend Jen, and wish she didn't have to go. But life moves on and she will be back. She will be doing amazing things and she's doing things right up her alley, so kudos for taking that leap.

My dad is finally in rehab and I found out the other day that he has a sense of humor, and go figure, it's where I got my humor. I enjoyed seeing that side of my dad. Granted, it's going to be a long time before I really understand what it means to have a father, but I see that it is something that could happen. And I think I'm excited. I could have a family!!!

I start my job next week, and I couldn't be more scared and happy and refreshed all at the same time. Its such a good oppurtunity, praise god.

Anna is a Patnode now, and I still an't believe my ears and eyes. It's so amazing that they have each other and that they are so strong in their faith. I think it's safe to say that this is what we are all looking for and I hope that we all find it. Congrats to both of you and I wish I had the right words to explain my loe for you both.

I know this is long, and my room mate is turning of the light, so it is now time to go to bed. God bless you all and happy trails and so forth.

HELLLOOOOOOOO SUMMMER!!!!

The Heart of Life

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears And listen
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good

I've never really listened to John Mayer... until I found all these CDs at work. I must say, he's good. Really good. I like the way he plays his guitar and the way he sings. And his words are really cool. This song, well, it's very true. Like bad news ALWAYS has bad timing. Since when was there good timing for that kind of stuff? But friends do make the silver lining... your friends are there to put you back up on your feet, whenever your ready that is. So even though friends can't always make you happy and can sometimes do the exact opposite, they are still there through thick and thin and that's why I love them.

So yes... sorry about my blogs. It happens. I'm a girl. I get emotional. But I always comeout of it with a new outlook on life. I can't say I'm not nervous for the weeks and months to come. I have a lot of things going on in my life and not sure what to make of it. I mean with John and Anna's wedding (which is one of the most exciting things of the year! I LOVE YOU BOTH!) And then my dad being in rehab, and trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for school next year AND starting a new job this summer (which is again a very good thing but scary) well it's a lot to take in! Change is good, or at least that's what people tell me. Even if it is a good thing, it always seems so stressful and painful in the meantime. But it's funny how God works. I never know what to expect. And I shouldn't want to. Sometimes I think it'd be easier. But who said life was gonna be easy right?

Sorry, I'm in a thoughtful mood. So yes.. this week is full of beggings and endings. So it goes. (haha nate)

Would you rather...

This is an easy one:

Would you rather be doomed to die alone because of who you are and you will never change no matter how much you beg and plea with yourself.... which somehow only makes it worse and then you hide it until months later it retaliates and is mad that you tried to change whatever it was that was holding you back in the first place

--OR--

Live a happy life where you find that "Mr/Mrs Right" and fall in love and ride away on a white stallion, or carriage if you are afraid of horses.

Easy huh? Well then how come it isn't that easy. I think I'm broken. Take me back where you got me from and get me fixed. yay thanks!

I know.... really random for most of you. and don't worry, I'm not depressed or dying or uh.... "special" I'm half kidding.... jen gets it. oh man does she get it. heh heh. ....... boo.

Whatever... that's why I'm at Bethel (not the ONLY reason... silly people)... I need to meet someone. Or just learn how to make friends with guys again cuz I'm lacking in that category. I have had my friends for a long time which is fantastic, but they can't be at school with me and it makes me sad taht I have very little boy interaction. I mean there's justin... sometimes... and jesse... .even fewer than justin. If anyone knows why i'm failing at meeting a guy, please tell me what I'm doing wrong! Answers, yes?

Okay, I'm ranting and raving like a 5 year old hopped on sugar. =)

Hey there Delilah

You are my breath of fresh air


Mmmm to have someone to say that to you. I'm down for that. Sorry... mini outburst of emotion. I think it's what happens when you watch too much grey's anatomy. heh. Go figure. And the title of today's blog is from the band Holly showed to me, Plain White T's. It's a fantastic song really. I think couples would like it a lot. =) You get all melty inside.

Sorry about the last entry. I had every right to be upset. But you move on and you discuss things and you get better. It doesn't mean the situation is that much better, but it means that I know that my friends care, they just need to be reminded on how to do it. lol. Just keep praying for me guys.... all I'll say is pray for my dad.

Tomorrow is friday and I get to go to a rootbeer keg thanks to Dusty Littlefield. haha. They are doing root beer pong and some other stuff and I just find it absolutely hysterical. BASICALLY I get to look like a badass without actually being one. It should be really fun. Also on Sat. I MIGHT see Spiderman 3, we'll see how it goes though (I=poor girl) Sat. night I will be home and Sunday I work again.... and sometime I really need to do homework because I did nothing all week. That's right, I relaxed and slacked immensely. Does that make me horrible? probably. Do I care at this present time? Nada. I did, however, do a really good job on my last CWC Test. I got a sold B. Now of course to some (all the really smart and dedicated students) it's not THAT great, but I'm very very proud of that. Go me!

Okay, this is short and sweet, but it's bedtime and I still have to exercise. Then sleepy time! YAY. Good night one and all

Oh yah... 14 days until my two wonderful friends tie the knot. Prayers to them!

Amy

Cuz you were all too stupid to get it

Sure... it's not a big deal... to YOU GUYS. You have no freaking idea what I'm going through and all you can come up with is "Oh, that's not a big deal, it happens all the time"

So am I meant to believe that if things "happen all the time" then they lose their meaning? Oh, well I guess nothing is a big deal anymore is it?

I expected my friends to get me the most. I dont' expect them to make me happy, that's impossible, but I DO expect them to be there for me. i'm sinking guys... I'm sinking fast and I feel like I'm drowning and I can't swim and I just need a hand to pull me up. But instead you are selfish and use your hand for other things.

If this were happening to ANY of you, I'd be there in a heart beat. I was there for Kara when she was dealing with her cancer stuff. I was there for the knapps when they lost their son. I was there for Adam when him and Holly split. I was there for Molly when she got into her accident. The point is... I was there. And no one can be there for me because they don't want to.

I see where my friendships lie