****commitme****

Funny how the word commitment has "commit me" in it. That's what it is sometimes apparently. To be committed means that you are stuck in this place forever and you aren't sure you wanna be there forever. You were thinking of maybe wading around for a while and getting out of there before you are consumed in the water.

For some reason commitment has never been an issue for me. Okay, so maybe not in relationships. Except I've been pretty committed in going to school. And pretty committed to keeping most of my friends. And committed to writing a book. So you know what? I love commitment. I love the idea of having something and going for it. Yah, it's hard, and yah, it takes a while, but it's so worth it in the end. There is a huge reward for accomplishing the commitment you had signed up for. Did I really want to be royalty in high school? noooooo. But I did it. And in the end, I walked out with a great friend and some crazy experiences for my life. I've also been pretty committed to writing this blog. Some days its hard, and I don't feel interesting and I don't have great ideas to write about like other people, but man... I can look back into my life and see exactly what I was doing and how I was feeling, and how I've changed. That's worth everything.

Where is this coming from? Well I've become the only person ready for a commitment. The room mate calls it courage, I call it a freak accident. Does it stem all the way back to my parents not having a great marriage for most of my childhood? That commitment needs to mean more than just words on a piece of paper and an idea?

According to Wikipedia.com commitment is : "means to show loyalty, duty or pledge to something or someone." Don't we do that everyday? We pick our families cuz that's the right thing to do. We keep our friends because they become our allies in this life. We sign leases, buy cars, buy pets, go to school, make a career decision, etc.

Of course this has made me curious. What does the bible have to say about all this ? Well in Jeremiah 30:21 it says "Who is he who will devote himself to be close to me?" God knew that it wasn't going to be easy for His children to devote, or commit their lives to him. But that's what it is. And while that is the scariest of scary things to do, we do it because we want a relationship with our Father. Maybe some people are doing that for the wrong reason. They are making this "commitment" because they see the reward in the end... heaven. But God will know the difference. He will know the real reasons and the real motives you had for doing things. And with human relationships and commitments, we will never know. I will never know if people commit to one another for the right reasons. Let's hope that they do.

How is it possible that so many people around me have a problem with it? It's not even like guys are afraid of it and girls want it, but it's on both sides. I'm not sure if I'm just mature for my generation or what. Probably not because plenty of my friends are married with children, or children on the way. They obviously welcome commitment in their homes.

The one problem to commitment is being committed to someone who isn't sure about commitment. It's the trap door in the whole idea. For while I'm committed to someone the rest of my life, that person may never ever commit and we are stuck forever. I'm not saying this is the case, but... who knows?

Maybe I should just be... committed. heh.

Love

To me... you are Perfect

I think I was told that by someone amazing and wonderful once. :) Just saying...

I know I know, its been a long time since I've written and, gulp, I've failed my photo project. ON DAY ONE. Wow. Fail fail fail fail. Can't believe it. But really... WHAT was I thinking?? I started a huge project like this on my birthday. Which happens to be right before a weekend. Which was super busy. I'd have to be already deeply conditioned to take on such a huge task. This project needs to start on a Monday in the middle of January. Yep. That's my new idea. I need to be so bored and ready for anything to bring me back to life, and I deem this project that boredom saver. So save the date! The project will happen... just months from now.

Now, this is always the hard part. It's been what, 20 DAYS since I've written last. And a lot has happened. It's a busy time of year. What can I say. So let's recap in a sensible way.

Oct. 21- haunted trail, flowers, soup with friends=terrifyingly tasty
Oct. 22- murder mystery party, dinner, amazing boyfriend= dangerously delightful
Oct. 23- hayrides, bonfires, hot cider= refreshingly revitalizing
Oct. 24- work, birthdays, football=amazingly awesome (football on the Beckmans TV is awesome. Too bad the Packers won.)
Oct. 26- windiest day EVER, pizza with the Damjanoviches, Biggest loser and BIGGEST bunny= hysterically honest
Oct. 30-church, costume finding, Skip-Bo= surprisingly skippalicious
Oct. 31- birthday, wonderful and awesome Jennifer Beckman birthday party, the torture chair = frightfully fun
Nov. 1- rabbit rabbit (that's all I have to say)
Nov. 2- voting, polls, news watching= unbelievably unique
Nov. 4- window shopping, pizza with Megan, little girl thinking Megan is 8= magnificently marvelous
Nov. 5- cheesecake factory, Beckman fun, Hook= honestly humbling
Nov. 6- apple cider, Skip-Bo rematch, CVS run during the Daylight Savings Time= savingly super
Nov. 8- Nate's house, pizza and cookie making, mancala (sp?)= mostly moving
Nov. 9- Late night walk, deep conversations, time with boyfriend= perfectly priceless

Phew! that was a lot of work! Now of course I am missing some days, but I'd say that is a pretty great wrap up!! It's got all the great things that happened in the last 3 weeks and in only 165 words! Yes... I looked that up. I wanted to see how long that was. So that's what I've been up to. It's been crazy. And that's not even adding in all the work that's been in there. And of course all the dates I have with Alyssa. But this has been my life. And I love it.

I've noticed that a lot of my friends have been exclaiming how fast life is going by right now. And for some odd reason, I don't see it. Seriously, I really don't. I think I'm so enamored with life right now that I'm soaking up every moment. I mean heck, I basically just recalled three weeks in my life because I remember it all and enjoy it all. I'm surrounded by people I love and work that I like, and new experiences. I can't trade that in for anything. So while everyone else is for some reason saying life is going way too fast, I think it's going the perfect speed. Is it because I'm not waiting for anything? I'm not waiting for school to be done, or for a promotion at a job, or just a new job. Who knows. I have no reason. I just find it funny that I believe that it's November 10th, and everyone else can't believe it. Just something to think about.

Let me also say that I have a smart boyfriend. Our conversation last night was, well, satisfying. We went on a late night walk (Okay, it was 8, but it was already so DARK) and we talked about first the stars. and I wanted to find a satellite but of course none of them were near us when we stopped and looked. But then it turned into this conversation about galaxies, universes, space and time, energy and matter, and God. I can't even wrap my head around all the things that we discussed. He's so smart. I love that he can answer questions that I would otherwise have no idea how to answer. It was a perfect night. :)

Alright, I have to work. Hopefully that was a suffice recap of the last three weeks in my life. If it was non interesting, I suggest ending reading this blog. now. or.... now. or if you can't seem to just stop reading and keep reading the words that I am writing... maybe you are secretly in love with me and my writing. I'm okay with that.

Love