Fidelity

I know I know... I've been a bad blogger. It's a shame really. I had all the time in the world last week, what with Spring Break and all, but here I sit, end of the following week and finally writing. It's funny how I work. But that's what makes me interesting. I don't do things when I normally should.

So this is how I feel today:

Just kidding. I don't feel THAT happy.... but I just really love the facial expression in this picture. I think this is what my soul looks like on most days. Like for no reason whatsoever, I was extremely happy last night. I was just walking from my car to my dorm and I couldn't help but smile. Why? Who knows!! But this is me, inside and out... on my good days. lol.

Spring Break was amazing. Just what I needed. I needed to be done with classes and homework and staying up late, and ridiculous hours at work. I mean yes, I worked a ton last week and got overtime, but I also got to take a few days off to go down and see Lola!! but first... I slept around this break. HAHAH. I love saying that. It's not good, but it's fun to say. What I mean is I slept at people's houses cuz I didn't wanna go home. I slept at Adam's, Sarah's, Justin's, Adam's, Kara's, Laura's, Anna's, and Jen's. I mean c'mon, who can say they've slept that many places in one week?! No one. I win. Thanks, I'll accept my award of chocolate ice cream. Mmm.... But yah, it was good. I watched movies, and watched people play video games, and stayed up late, and just did random things. When I went to Nebraska, I went by myself. I know, it's a six hour drive and I went by myself. I needed the time to be by myself. I don't get that a lot. It was peaceful. I got to think and sing and sit and almost fall asleep (not safe!!) But it was good. I love seeing Laura. She's my special friend. lol.. I mean we went shopping for Anna's Bridal shower gift, and we watched two movies (Stranger than Fiction-bizarre, Someone's journal for Nicholas-very good! If your a girl and you liked the Notebook, see this movie!) and then we played the game Life at Starbucks at like 10:30 at night. The guy working there I've decided could sell me anything. He was that good. I mean I bought a muffin from him! Granted I WANTED the muffin, but he's just that good. lol. I also met one of her friends, Jenny, and she was pretty cool. We all hung out and then she slept over the night laura had knee surgery. But luckily she is alive and kicking!! She did burst out laughing when she tapped her knee with her crutches... that was funny. And that is what Vicodin does to people. Welcome to the happy life!!

What else happened.... oh yes! Anna's bridal shower #1! That was sufficiently awkward but good. I've just realized I'm HORRIBLE at family gatherings. Because of the fact that I really have an awkward family and I was never really allowed to go to the family stuff, I've lost the ability to interact properly. I usually look goofy. But Sam was with me, and Abby... so I felt better. She got a lot of stuff... and luckily only one toaster and one blender out of two! (Two people bought the same things on her registry and so it would have been really bad if they were both at the same shower. eep) Anyway..... I also got to see Anna and John's apartment. She said it was the smallest thing, but honestly, for two people, I think they will be completely fine. I really do. I liked it and it seemed fresh and there was some things that needed to be spruced up, but all in all, I say it was good.

Well being back at school hasn't been too bad. I really do think though that I have really gotten bad at making close friends. Maybe I'm in the mindset that I have my friends, so why bother! I can make friends, I mean I have my roomies, and Katie, and Becky, and random people from class, but none of them are really CLOSE to me. Who knows, all I know is I gotta really work on that cuz it gets kinda lonely sometimes. Wow, I sound like a loon. I'm done!

Last thing, I saw the movie Zodiac... and I personally liked it a lot. I mean it was long, and the eneded was disappointing, but it was based on real case files, and that always interests me. I mean you can't change the ending to a real life situation. Then it would be unsatisfying knowing that it's a lie. I think people should see it, they do a nice job with acting and making it seem very real. Anyway, I'll stop rambling! goodbye ladies and gents.

I GET MY TEST BACK TODAY FOR CWC!! Wish me luck guys. I'm really nervous. Eep.

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Still I'm the one that's stupid

I talked to Graham tonight...

Is that alright?

It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you. It's the wrong time for somebody new. It's a small crime and I've got no excuse.

Mmmm... Damien Rice. He knows what to say at the right time. It's a song called "9 Crimes" and you should really look it up. It was also played on Grey's Anatomy. Good moments.

Life has been crazy and I'm not sure where to go from here. My classes are all being failed my me. Haha. I know, I worded that funny, but I'm not going to change it so deal! lol. Ok... so I'm not failing.. but I have C's in all of them. That takes a stab towards my self worth. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I have been out of school for a long time, it is the second year of school which is hard, it's a new school, and I work too much. But I feel like these are all weak excuses and I should not let them hold me back. But I am trying and trying and still not doing as good as I want to. I talk to Justin and he says it's not a big deal but if he were doing this bad, it would be a big deal. I want to suceed but I fear I will not here. And I have been trying to go here for so long, and well... i'm failing at my dream and I never calculated that into my dream. It was never a possibility for me. Never. So now that it is happening, I'm in a panic. I sound like it's this huuuuuge deal, but I really just don't talk about it that much. So no worries about me! I'm just writing this to give everyone an insight on me!

I talked to my advisor today about dropping my Journalism Workshop course. It was really hard for me to decide this. It's not that I don't want to do it, and it's not that I don't want to make the time for it. The problem is I CANT make time for it. I just can't. I'm already so far into the semester and I have done nothing towards the class. The problem isn't finding the time to write the articles, but it's the time I have to find to go to the events and interview so-so and about this and that. Anywayyy..... my advisor was like, it's not that big of a deal to drop. Just take it next semester. Life is long. I am really happy she put it that way. Big deal. I don't take it this semster. Sure, I'm out money for it, but it was a one credit class and it didn't cost THAT much in the whole scheme of things. So no worries here. I feel just that much better. =)

SPRING BREAK IS IN 3 DAYS!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!! That is sooo exciting! I don't have to write TAS's, Take tests, listen to stupid Into. to Bible discussions, or wake up at 7:30AM for a whoollleee week!! I get to see Laura, live at Adam's new townhouse, play games, watch movies, and work. Yah, work sucks but man... everything else makes it just that much better. Huzzah!!! Haha, sorry, had to say that. I'm a loser... it's okay. I can't wait to see Laura. Oh man. I get to spend like three whole days with her. It's a magical time I tell yah!

Anna's Bridal showers are coming up. Wierd. So wierd. It just seems like it's all happening too fast. I'm so excited for her though. It's gonna be a whole new life. Scary at first i'm sure. Oh man. Oh man. I can't even wrap my head around it. PS- I have a good gift idea if anyone wants to pitch in money for it, that'd be awesome. It could be a big group gift. It's kinda wierd though so you totally don't have to. Just talk to me about it later. (I'm not sure if she reads these so I don't wanna mention it!!)

Life with friends is really good right now. Justin and I are on fanatastic terms, Jen is wonderful. Kara and I are getting along wonderfully, and I dunno. It's just good. I love with things are like this. I am not fretting about my friendships or what people are REALLY thinking about me when we hang out, it's just innocent funness. Haha. Can you guys tell it's late and that I just got done writing a six page philosophy paper? Yah... all my energy is gone. Maybe that means I should end this. Well.... I will then. It's been fun.

I love all of you!

HUGS (((((EVERYONE))))))

tee hee hee..... I thought it reminded me of... well...me!

Spring Forward

Corny title I know. But it's in light of my life, and of course.... daylight savings!! woo hoot! I know.... loser... right here... all fingers point at her and laugh... alrighty then.

I don't necessarily LIKE "spring forward" time because I lose an hour of sleep, but this just means the sun is up that much longer. And it also brings spring and summer. It just means we are just that much closer to freedom and leisureful (sp?) activities. OH glorious summer, where for art thou summer? Again, the loserisms are just pouring out of me tonight. It must be the lack of sleep on my part. Well it's not totally my fault. Zach was here!!! YAY! And now he must return to Iraq. Boo you government. Boo.

My life has been a happy one since I made the decision that I am, yes prepare for it, QUITTING PANERA BREAD! I made the decision and I'm sticking to it. I can't do it anymore. It made me a bitter bitter person for the last month and I will not let it take hold of my life. Do I want to leave the people? No. Do I want to leave the inevitable payraise? Heck no. Do I want to start all over after I have put in so much? Heavens no. But it is time for change. It is time to be done with work before 11:30pm... to still be asleep at 4:00AM even if you have to open in the morning. This is the reason that I am looking into banking! The hours would be fantastic, the money would be decent, and they could help me with loans! And we all know that I need help with that. It's a win-win situation in my eyes. Maybe not, maybe it's boring, but I'm ready for a change. I think we all agree that I need to leave this place. If I'm unhappy, why stay? Even the raise that I may get shouldn't keep me. So when I do get it, and it's absolutely amazing, slap my wrist and say NO! Bad Amy! Cuz I will want to stay. But no... life must "spring forward."

I had some bitterness with friends recently, but I've made peace, and surprisingly, they made peace right back. Which I never expected from a few of them. I know Anna gets me when I say that sometimes you feel that no one cares and that your friends have completely and utterly abandoned you. But once you get through it all, you know that it's just Satan telling you lies. I think the thing we all fail at is keeping in touch with one another. We label each other's lives with business and then blame the other friend for not keeping in touch with you. In reality, it is OUR fault that the touch is being lost. Yes, the other person may be working a lot, doing homework all the time, getting engaged, whatever, but when we put these labels on them, we stop making the time. All that does is hurt the person you've done this to and yourself. So if you are reading this, take the time, even just a moment, to call or talk to someone you've done this to. Believe me, they will greatly appreciate it. And you will feel good because you just got to talk to someone you may have not seen in a loooong time.

Lets see here... what else have I been doing... OH YES!!! SNOW DAY!! Hip hip hooray! We had a half snowday on Thursday and a complete one on Friday. It was such a God-sent thing. I think everyone needed that time to either catch up on homework or catch up on their childhood. Kara and I watched Grey's and then watched movies with Jesse and Justin. We also made macaroni, which I must say was absolutely AMAZING!!! Then on Friday we went to Target with Charis and she went to work and that's when I built my amazing Igloo with Natalie Herringshaw! Yah, that's right... an igloo. It took up our whole afternoon, but man was it worth it. Then of course came the Mat Kearney concert!! We were second row from the stage, he signed my purse, and he took two photos with us because he wasn't focusing in the first one. Haha. Love it. It was soo fantastic. He does a really good job playing live. I know a lot of people just do not live up to the music they created in the studio, but he for sure does. It was wonderful. Then I went to Adam's new townhouse with Kara, Jen, Jake, and Nate. I made a pitstop and bought them stuff from the Clearance section of Cub and it caused quite a laugh. It was just garbage but it was cheap and sadly, it was stuff they would have never thought of to buy and would need eventually. Lol. That night was really full of giggles and odd moments with Jen. Kara did Suduko.......... congrats!! Saturday was work and then we made a blanket fort at Adam's (we meaning Jen and Nate, I came later) and we all slept in it! It was also a giggly night cuz Jen and I bought them Easter Presents... haha... oh the secrets behind such odd moments. Only Jen and I will ever know! LOVE IT!!!!

Oh man, this got lengthy.... your poor weary eyes... they need their rest, and so do my fingers. So I'm done finished...etc.... enjoy wonderful readers, enjoy!

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