To myself From Myself

It's funny how New Year's brings this nostalgia over us, where we feel the need to look over the past year and see how we have done. And it's always hard to judge this. Did I succeed in being a better person? Did I become the skinnier form of myself? Did I find the path that He walks upon and finally found myself in Him? There's just too many questions to find out whether or not I "succeeded". So I'd rather just say it was good and I enjoyed it. There's no sense in regret and self loathing for the things not accomplished. I don't see that New Year's was meant for that self loathing 364 days later. I see it as a stepping stone that you can stop at and take a breath... a very needed breath. If you have no where to stop and see what you've done with your life, how will you ever know where to go? yah know?

So... I guess my year was grand. Friends got married, sisters got engaged, people found love, I got a new job, I got to be apart of the school that is Bethel, I'm going to have an apartment and be all grown up, and now I've been on a date. Who knew so much could happen in a year! I found friendship in Mike, and found an odd desire to know Jesus- as in his life (like in Luke, Matthew, Mark, etc.). Which is good. This odd desire was very good for me. I feel that my walk has strengthened. Not a lot, but good enough to the point where I can say that I'm feeling a connection with God that I've never had before. Well, maybe I had it right after Travis died. So it's good to have this back WITHOUT someone having to die. Some days all I want to do is worship and sit and ponder life and everything that God has given us. It's amazing. I love where I am, and can't wait to see how much better it will get with each passing day, month, year.

So... this date. This infamous date that happened out of nowhere, and just like that, it was over. I know I know, I'm the girl who is sooo open about her life, but here all of a sudden is this date. Huh. Go figure. AMY VERGIN on a date. It was something I needed to do for myself. Maybe I was a little bit pushed into it, but it was worth it. It's been four years since I've done anything of that nature, and that's a long time. I was comfortable where I was, and I was afraid to meet boys or heaven forbid "date" them. So I just thought that since I was asked out, I should go on this date, even though my stomach was in complete knots and the movie we saw was very below par. But again, I feel accomplished. I can't sit here and have Justin be the last person I dated. And I'm probably not the only one who knows that. lol. It's not like this boy is the boy I'm going to marry, but ah... it was very freeing. And No.... no kissing was involved. lol.

I really cannot wait to move in with Jen. Of course we need to find our apartment together, but it's just gonna be really good for both of us. >The funny part is that we don't even see each other that much during the week. I see her like once a week. Which usually I see my friends ALL the time. So it'll be nice to see her every night. I dunno. It's a big step in the big game of life, but I think I'm ready. I'm just losing that desire to come home for breaks and summer. The only reason I do return is to see my friends. I can always stop by and see family, that's not a problem. So yes, it's a big step, but I think God will prepare me in the next couple of months. YAY!

So I'm also super excited for New Year's tomorrow. Obviously I love it, but who doesn't?! It's a fresh beginning and you get to start over with all the ones you love. Again, another freeing moment. Plus the thought of broomball makes my heart skip a beat. haha. I might even get to play today as well. And it's such good exercise... and it's a good laugh to watch people suck it up (aka: ME!) And all the ping pong and snowmobiles and TV watching and darts and ahhh! just so much to do! I cannot wait!

Okay, I'm done! I've got to go do about a million other things! I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years and I hope that this year is the year that you make that connection with God, where all you see is Him, and you realize that it's everything you have been looking for. =) Blessings

Amy

Yesterdays

The flowers cut and brought inside

Black cars in a single line

Your family in suits and ties

And you're free

The ache I feel inside

Is where the life has left your eyes

I'm alone for our last goodbye

But you're free

I remember you like yesterday

YesterdayI still can't believe you're gone

Oh I remember you like yesterday

YesterdayAnd until I'm with you, I carry on

Adrift on your ocean floor

I feel weightless numb and sore

A part of you and me is torn

You're free

I woke from a dream last night

I dreamt that you were by my side

Reminding me I still had life

In meI remember you like yesterday

YesterdayI still can't believe you're gone

Oh I remember you like yesterday

YesterdayAnd until I'm with you,

I carry on

I'll carry on, I'll carry on

Every lament is a love song

Yesterday, yesterday

I still can't believe you're gone

Every lament is a love song

Yesterday, yesterday

So long my friend, so long

Sometimes I feel this way about Travis... well most of the time. Travis is free from this world that we live in. And the line that says "Adrift on the ocean floor, I feel weightless, numb, and sore" is just the perfect way to describe the feeling when someone dies. By the way, this is a song on Switchfoot's CD, I'm not that good of a writer. Haha. And what happened to me yesterday just really made me miss him. I won't go into it, not here, but it just made me want to go back to those times when he was alive. nothing was as difficult as it is now. Growing up and becoming non-ignorant is hard, and I wish I didn't have to do it. Travis lucked out on this part. He got to live the best years. Thank God for that. I just hope that things are set right, cuz I had feeling this way.

So I should add that finals are over and I'm able to relax once more! It's nice to be back home (sorta) haha but they keep it so cold in here! I don't like that!! So socks are always nice even though I actually dispise socks. Lol. I can't wait to get my grades back!! I didn't realize how bad my GPA was until a week ago, so it's going to be really nice to have this semester bump it up a bit!! Or a lot, depending on how many A's I got. What else, I feel like there have been 101 Christmas parties, and they just keep on coming! lol. But I like the holidays, it's a nice feeling to have everyone together celebrating life and Jesus' birth. It should happen more often.

Oh yes, I totally kicked butt in 500 and Euchre! GO team LA! Haha. Anyway, I should go. I don't have too much to report besides the fact that Laura will be in town over Christmas which is always a blast. And that my sister is engaged. (If I didn't say that before, MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAY!!!!!!!!!!) I'm not excited at all (note the sarcasm). Um... .and.... Jen and I can start house searching now before she leaves for Rome. yay! yep... that's it. I'm finito! Time for nap and another party! huzzah

Blessings and Merry Christmases all around

Amy

PS

So apparently my group IS able to pull of Hamlet in less than a week. WHO KNEW!? I guess they spent 9 hours editng (stayed up until 5:30AM to finish it) and the teacher LOVED it.... told us right after class that we got on A. So I feel bad for being the "bitter betty" through all of this, but I still don't think it's okay to procrastinate on such a project. Yah know? But whatever... it's done and over with. YAYA


PPS- so I am planning a theoretical trip to NYC! Haha... so... to do flight + hotel it can be anywhere from $400-$1200.... that isn't bad at all! and to stay for a week??? wonderful! and of course we could scratch the hotel all together if I could talk justin's aunt and uncle to let us stay there for a week. Heh? Anyone in on my theoretcial trip?? I say yes!

Hey! It's been such a long time! Let's catch up!

Sorry.... oye. life is crazy. Busy crazy. So crazy that I lack the effort to keep this thing up. My bad.

Life has been good! I've got no HUGE complaints. I mean there's the everyday piddly stuff, but it's not really worth talking about.

The biggest knews of the last month (GULP! That long already??) is that my sister is GETTING MARRIED!!!!!! I knew this day would come, and I always thought I'd be upset and angry cuz I was alone and then I'd feel stupid cuz my "Younger" sister is getting married first. But it's quite the opposite. It doesn't even bother me that I'm alone, it's not even about ME to begin with! Andrew is such a great guy for her and I couldn't be more happy. I think I'm a little crazy because it's been under a week and I already have looked at a ton of dresses for her and colors and I even bought her a $30 wedding organizer (don't worry, it's basically her early christmas present) but this thing is pretty much amazing. It's got a range of prices, tabs to keep everything organized, ideas to save money, places to put your guest list and the addresses, and gives you countdowns and everything! It's so awesome. She's going to love it. I just can't believe this is happening! It's so wierd... we are at that age. I know Anna already got married, and so did Amanda, but this is my SISTER! CRAZY!!! But I bless them both and will pray for them daily through this stressful task of planning a wedding. Luckily Holly has three very willing people to take over everything to keep her unstressed (Seward, Me, Mom). I'll do whatever she wants me to do. I even bought a Bridesmaid book for myself. Tee hee.

In other news, I went down to Milwaukee to see Ali for her 21st Birthday!!!!! And so nobody could afford to not work that weekend so I got some unexpected (but totally expected) to come with me: Zachary!! Ah bless him. He was so much fun to have on this trip. Everyday I get to know him a little better, and I enjoy that. Zach is just one of those people who are fun to be around. You can get into a lengthy discussion about anything, or just laugh at something totally ridiculous (OOOhhhh! Balls!) haha. But we did homework and sang songs and talked and I dunno, it was really good. It always makes me a little nervous because it was JUST me and Zach for 10 hrs (there and back) but it went wonderfully! Anyway, it was fun to be in Milwaukee because not only did I have the wonderful Ali down there, but I finally met this sister of hers, along with seeing Josh and Marlise! It was a perfect group to go out. Although Ali felt sick and some things weren't going as planned, I still think the evening went well. Ali and I left the bars early while the others made it to bar time. It was kinda nice to have our own time together. I mean I did come all the way there to see HER, so the alone time was nice. We played Go-Kart racing, and then when everyone returned, I was challenged against two boys and uh... kicked their butts!! They were horrible! They were also a little intoxicated.... at least enough to not do that well. But then even in the morning, I still beat Zach a lot. 11 games in a row. Explain that Zach!! So it was good to be down there.... Oh yes, and on the way back, I helped Zach study for Spanish and read stuff for his class about criminals and stuff.. all very interesting. I'm just THAT good of a friend to study for a final that I'm not even taking! =)

So finals are coming up! (Today is my last day of classes!) And I'm really excited about all of this. Don't get me wrong, I love school and I'm soooo glad to be here, but there have been some difficult moments this semester that just make me want to put this semester to an end already! Like the group from hell that are all freshman (and if they aren't, well they all ACT like they are) that won't do any work and have stressed me out way more than necessary. Or like the teacher who doesnt' like any of my writing and makes me so angry that I won't even speak up in her class. But at least I'm still getting an A right? Whtatever, I just need to be done and have freedom for a while. It'll be nice. The only downer is that i'm losing my favorite teacher in the whole entire world (Joey Horstman) and that three of my room mates are moving out. One is going to New Zealand for the semester, one is not coming back until February for second semester, and one is just moving out entirely. So it's like, bummer. But one of my other roomies that I've started to get to know will be here so that'll be nice. And also I think I'm going to be able to get into a class next semester with my fav. teacher. Fingers crossed! but finals.... GAH! BE OVER NOW!!!!!

Hmm... I don't know what else has been going on. I love Jesus? lol. I do. I really do. I love being at this school. It's not the school itself that makes me a stronger person in my faith, but it is almost like that cushion to fall back on. Yah know? And I've found that worship has become so personal to me. I mean music has always been big for me, but really.... it just sends my soul to a whole new level. I feel like I'm one on one with God, and he is listening me sing these words and smiles because of it. I'm singing the words because I mean them. Especially in the song "Give us clean hands". I stir inside just thinking about it. That song is so true in my life. I want clean hand and a pure heart, I want to do away with earthly things that break me down inside and get rid of the things that make me sin. I want to walk along next to God, not trailing behind him. I desire this so. That's why I started reading Luke. Although I've slowed in that process, I'm still happy with where I am, and I think God is too.

Ok, so this will be the shocker that I'll leave everyone with because I have to go to class, but I also just have to say this before people start getting even more mad. I think Jen L. and I have decided to move in together (I sound like I'm a lesbian but I don't mean it that way!) I'm just saying that I know some people will be mad because I won't live with others... but that's because there are things we are compatible in and I would kill people. So.. yah... that's it. lol. I'ts dumb, but it's been freaking me out. So now it's out and people can be upset if they want, but bah, whatev. I love my friends and I know them well enough to know if living together would destroy our friendship or keep it strong. And I think Jen and I will be fine. So.... everyone okay? Ok, I'm overreacting. I'm out. I pray that everyone goes through finals wiht a breeze!

Amy