To myself From Myself

It's funny how New Year's brings this nostalgia over us, where we feel the need to look over the past year and see how we have done. And it's always hard to judge this. Did I succeed in being a better person? Did I become the skinnier form of myself? Did I find the path that He walks upon and finally found myself in Him? There's just too many questions to find out whether or not I "succeeded". So I'd rather just say it was good and I enjoyed it. There's no sense in regret and self loathing for the things not accomplished. I don't see that New Year's was meant for that self loathing 364 days later. I see it as a stepping stone that you can stop at and take a breath... a very needed breath. If you have no where to stop and see what you've done with your life, how will you ever know where to go? yah know?

So... I guess my year was grand. Friends got married, sisters got engaged, people found love, I got a new job, I got to be apart of the school that is Bethel, I'm going to have an apartment and be all grown up, and now I've been on a date. Who knew so much could happen in a year! I found friendship in Mike, and found an odd desire to know Jesus- as in his life (like in Luke, Matthew, Mark, etc.). Which is good. This odd desire was very good for me. I feel that my walk has strengthened. Not a lot, but good enough to the point where I can say that I'm feeling a connection with God that I've never had before. Well, maybe I had it right after Travis died. So it's good to have this back WITHOUT someone having to die. Some days all I want to do is worship and sit and ponder life and everything that God has given us. It's amazing. I love where I am, and can't wait to see how much better it will get with each passing day, month, year.

So... this date. This infamous date that happened out of nowhere, and just like that, it was over. I know I know, I'm the girl who is sooo open about her life, but here all of a sudden is this date. Huh. Go figure. AMY VERGIN on a date. It was something I needed to do for myself. Maybe I was a little bit pushed into it, but it was worth it. It's been four years since I've done anything of that nature, and that's a long time. I was comfortable where I was, and I was afraid to meet boys or heaven forbid "date" them. So I just thought that since I was asked out, I should go on this date, even though my stomach was in complete knots and the movie we saw was very below par. But again, I feel accomplished. I can't sit here and have Justin be the last person I dated. And I'm probably not the only one who knows that. lol. It's not like this boy is the boy I'm going to marry, but ah... it was very freeing. And No.... no kissing was involved. lol.

I really cannot wait to move in with Jen. Of course we need to find our apartment together, but it's just gonna be really good for both of us. >The funny part is that we don't even see each other that much during the week. I see her like once a week. Which usually I see my friends ALL the time. So it'll be nice to see her every night. I dunno. It's a big step in the big game of life, but I think I'm ready. I'm just losing that desire to come home for breaks and summer. The only reason I do return is to see my friends. I can always stop by and see family, that's not a problem. So yes, it's a big step, but I think God will prepare me in the next couple of months. YAY!

So I'm also super excited for New Year's tomorrow. Obviously I love it, but who doesn't?! It's a fresh beginning and you get to start over with all the ones you love. Again, another freeing moment. Plus the thought of broomball makes my heart skip a beat. haha. I might even get to play today as well. And it's such good exercise... and it's a good laugh to watch people suck it up (aka: ME!) And all the ping pong and snowmobiles and TV watching and darts and ahhh! just so much to do! I cannot wait!

Okay, I'm done! I've got to go do about a million other things! I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years and I hope that this year is the year that you make that connection with God, where all you see is Him, and you realize that it's everything you have been looking for. =) Blessings

Amy