pitterpat

Of course my title refers to many things. One it is the song I'm listening to by Erin McCarley. It's a song that they played on Grey's Anatomy naturally. I can't help it, they have music that is so amazing and that I would never discover otherwise. And it always sets the mood of the scene. Music is powerful like that.

The other reason I chose my title is because I was at my sister Sarah's house this weekend! I got to see Sarah, Buck, Jackson, Olivia, Dusty, Sophie, and Holly! It was one big happy family. Of course I was pretty much just up for Saturday, but honestly I don't think the siblings have all hung out together... ever. I mean yah when we were little, but that never means much. So it was nice. We played with Jack and took pictures with Sophie, and slept in real late and Sarah made this amazing biscuits and gravy... ahh! Sooooo good. I'd be so fat if I ate those all the time, but it was worth it. Mmmm.. Kudos sarah, kudos.

Life, as usual, has thrown me for loops and really expects me to keep up with it. Sometimes I don't feel prepared to do so. Like i'm really excited to go to Hawaii, and I was so on top of everything. But then financial aid failed to tell me that I needed to reapply for the extra loan to go on the trip. Because they waited so long, the lender I used tightened their choices on who gets a loan and who doesn't, so now I don't qualify. The other hard part is because the school told me so late, I still have to pay for a lot of the trip. So basically if I don't get the money, I can't take off the work to go on the trip because I'm going to have to be paying back a partial trip anyway. It's so stupid and not even my fault and I just want to scream and cry, but I know that gets me nowhere. I wish I had a cosigner. I wish I was credit-worthy. I thought I was. I thought I had finally gotten to this place where I didn't have to worry anymore. I could breath. I could just be me and not rely on others since that has never really been an option anyway. So if anyone wants to cosign, I'm here! lol

I love my apartment. I think I say that in every blog I write. But I do. It's big and pretty and getting full of things. It makes me happy. It make me happy to be able to sit at our six person table and type while looking into my spacious living room. It makes me happy to know that everyone loves to come here and that our calendar is jam packed with things to do and people to see. It makes me happy that my bedroom is so cozy and sometimes I just never wanna get out of bed, even though school and work continuously pull me out. And of course I love the roomie. I do find myself struggling sometimes because I feel like we never really see each other. And that is because we don't. So it makes me sad and a little worried that we wont' be good friends anymore because we never see each other. But I think I'm just paranoid and the feeling will leave. But she's not here this morning, so I just miss her.

I saw the movie the Duchess the other day with Jen, and it really made me sad! I mean it was a good movie but there wasn't a happy ending. And I know that is how life is. But I think that I just want a happy ending in my movies since there is no such thing in real life. Aren't movies created to escape the realities of life? Oh well, it was based on a true story about a woman who married into power in the 1770's and he only wanted a son and didn't love her. Every other man loved her because she was smart and pretty and fashionable. Oh yah, and he cheated on her all the time. So when she finally found someone she loved, she tried to be with him. I won't say more in case you want to see the movie. but it's sad. And then I thought, hm... I'm alone too. I wish it didn't bother me that I'm not with someone. But it does. It always will. I'm not good on my own. I like having someone there for you, and in more of a way than a best friend would be. It's so different. I've had it before, this perfect love and relationship where they are your counterpart. But as people keep telling me "Your young still, don't worry, you'll find someone!" Then why is everyone already finding their person??

Both of my jobs are going well. I don't mind them. I mean Buffalo Wild Wings is busy and you really have to be on your game all the time or the servers are mad, or the cooks are mad, or something! And then at Wells Fargo it's the same-old stuff. I'm either showing up late or not doing enough sales. I worry that they'll fire me soon, but I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens. I don't want to lose the job because my benefits come from them and I can't afford to not have insurance! AH!

Alright, I'm on a tight schedule and I've totally screwed it up by writing here. But it was needed. Love you guys. Hope you are all doing well and I'm sorry I'm never around. It's hard. We are growing up and life has to change. If I had the time to see you all without failing school, I would. But there are burdens upon my shoulders, upon all of our shoulders, and so it is impossible. That's why summers are so wonderful. =) Hang in there guys. We can do it.

Sister in Christ,
amy

P.S.- I've been writing in the book! YAY! Someday soon.... ::fingers crossed::