You've got a way with me

I know. I do this all the time. I'm sorry. I guess the last few weeks of life have stopped me from writing. I mean... it was my last few days in Hawaii and then readjusting is hard. Too hard. And you feel so swarmed with everything that you can't possibly find time for you. I think that's been the hardest part. I don't have those feelings that most people feel when they leave for a while, but I guess that's more of a long term thing... not a month of being away. But what I mean is that in Hawaii I was able to read my Bible every night, journal daily on the beach, listen to sermons, and feel completely content with life. While I'm home.... it's not the same. Why was I a better person there? Or was it because I gave myself time to devote myself to God? Now that I think of it... maybe it was what I needed. God was showing what I could be doing with my life, instead of spending it doing a million other things. I still went to class, I still did homework, and I still hung out with people. But I took the time to care. And that glimpse of life was amazing. That is what I miss most of Hawaii. And of course the surfing, tanning, walking around, hiking, laying on the beach, and sunshine. Those are a given though... ha.

That was really the rest of my trip. It was warm and happy. I met a lot of awesome people. I feel that we could be pretty good friends, especially my room mate. And Anne. Oh she is fantastic. It's hard though. I love all my friends here, and to transition into life again with NEW friends, it's like... how do you keep them all? And how do you adjust to life after being away and knowing what life could be like? I dunno. It's all such a mess I guess. Does this make sense? I can't tell. I think I'm writing too fast for my brain to really process what i'm saying! So I guess I'll move on!

Since I've been home, I've started school again. I'm taking Topics in Journalism, Photojournalism, Media Law, and Sleep, sabbath, and surrender. All wonderful classes. I really appreciate everything I'm taking. Topics in Journalism is basically a guy from the Strib who takes us to plays and we write reviews. Photojournalism is amazing because I needed to buy a digital SLR camera for that class and so now I have an amazing camera!! It's so wonderful! I need to play with it more though. I will once I get organized! I'm seriously so disorganized with life and I find myself unwilling to do my homework. So I think my new goal for next week is to do my homework, and mean it. lol. Productive Amy steps into the scene... and yah. So classes are good. Life is good. I get to see the Romeo and Juliet play at the Children's theater again. I went last weekend for class and now I'm bringing Justin and Jen. I'm really excited... I hope they like it!

Speaking of Justin, he's been a super good friend and I appreciate him for that. He spent a few nights at my place while Jen was away and that made me feel better.... I hate being alone and I get scared at night! And now Alyssa, Justin, and someone else are going on a roatrip over spring break. That should be really fun. We are heading to the east coast. Cleveland, Boston, D.C., and NYC. It should be good. We'll be really busy, but it'll be wonderful. :)

Let's see... card night is still going on, JAZ night is always a good night even though Zach has had broomball and I've been working late. Bleah.

Another thing that has been crossing my mind is that everyone is married/engaged/pregnant (and not in that order). It's been a double edge sword for me unfortunately. Which is also so unlike me too! On one side, I'm really excited for people who are getting married (sarah, sam, Laura) it's exciting to find those people that you can spend the rest of your life with. And of course my newly engaged friend Seward (whom I will never be able to stop calling her that) is fresh into the world of weddings, dresses, rings, and drama. It'll be interesting for her, but at least she has some time to plan it. And then there is Holly and Anna who are the preggo ones. Little lives being brought into this world. oh man. How intense. All these things are wonderful and created by God and are good and everything, and yet I can't help but have this sadness in me. I wanted to marry young. I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life went. I knew I didn't want anything else. It was so simple and easy, and I was content. I'm not gonna lie. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. And obviously God has other plans for me. I know I know. I hear it enough. And I know it to be true. Doesn't make this process less hard. Doesn't make it easier to know that you wont' be one of the first people married like most people thought. And that's fine. i guess i'm in no rush. Living the single life doesn't seem soo bad right now. but you always have to just wonder ....

Besides that, a lot of people are leaving this summer, and it's going to be really hard for me. (again selfish I know... I can't help it.) It started with Laura moving to Nebraska oh so many years ago. Then Adam and Josh. Adam is finally on his trip on the Dulos for two years, and Josh started going to a music school in Cleveland (thus Cleveland on the roadtrip). Alyssa might be getting an internship in Alaska for the summer, and Jen is site director for Youth Works somewhere. Meaning I have to find a roommate for the summer (yikes... anyone interested?? please??) And now Justin is leaving. He's decided to head back to Germany and go to an imersion school. Oye... my life. Always changing. I guess that's the story of life. Sigh.

No worries though. I'm happy. I love my life, and my apartment. And I miss Ali. And I miss Bill and Rozie, and Cassie Thompson, and people that I've left behind. I don't know why I miss them all of a sudden, but I do. So tonight, I dedicate this to them.... :)

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