The O.C./Motivation/Love

~*~ First and foremost... I was writing the best blog I've written for quite some time, and then somehow I hit a button that made it all erase. Today is a horribly sad day~*~

Let's try this again.

Ok. So I love the O.C. I'm admitting it right here and now. It's lame. It's full of more drama than the drama found on Jerry Springer. Yet still I'm not drawn to it. While I've never witnessed more nonsense in my life, I am drawn to it. Know why? It's a little thing called love. See, in television shows, people WATCH to make sure the couples that are supposed to end up together, well, do. Summer and Seth? cute! I mean we watch through the breakups and the turmoil that they go through, but the pay off is at the end. That's how it is in Grey's Anatomy. Friends ended the show with Ross and Rachel OBVIOUSLY becoming an item. And Loreali finally ends up with Luke at the end of Gilmore Girls... are we seeing a trend yet? It's amazing and astounding to watch these relationships. Really, we all know that I love love. I love watching love. I love witnessing love. I love the kind of love that isn't outwardly shown but you can feel in the the energized electric shock that is sent out in the air when the said couple looks at one another. I love being around it and being smothered by it (most of the time anyway. ha)

Now this is where some people would turn this happy-go-lucky story into a sob story. Why can't life be like that? Where's my handsome future husband, why can't I have love like that? And then of course you could go into the story of how you thought you had found 'the one' but it turns out that 'the one' was 'the one' for somebody else... or so he says. But that's not really the point of the blog today. Well, at least not fully. I was just merely mentioning the fact that I'm being deeply pulled into this horirbly addicting television show even though I know it leaves upturned battlewounds of past loves that definitely didn't turn out like Summer and Seth. But also, my dear friend Seward was talking with a few of us on Justin's pontoon about love. About how God can lead you to the person you are supposed to be with, your quote unquote "soulmate". My friend Amanda felt that there can be more than one while Seward didn't feel teh same. Maybe in the earthly realm, but not on God's playing field. And then it made me wonder. Who was right? If we are all lead to 'the one' by God, how did we know it was from God? Hell, if my God instincts were right, I'd be married by now! So how do you know? I'm not looking for 'a one' right now, or even the 'one right now'. It's just an interesting question.

And of course this whole love expose is wrapped up with a dream from me. I don't really remember all of it, nor do I want to since it made me furious until I realized that it wasn't real. It took me a while. Basically we were at someone's house and Justin of course said something mean and hurtful, as a joke, directed toward me. It musta been pretty mean because I left the house even though it was a raging blizzard outside. Think of it as : Hurricane Katrina meets Minnesota in January. That bad. So anyway, they went out and looked for me but I was sneaky and stealth-like so it was impossible. I ended up running into him and he apologized. Now what does this dream mean? Well really nothing. I have random dreams all the time. But between this, and our boat convo, and yes, the O.C. I think I'm nuts. Apparently I've been listening to the wrong "God message" sent oh so many years ago. At any rate, I think a bonfire is in order. Where my girls at? ha.

Enough love stuff. Let's turn to my almost-but-not-quite-motivation story of the day. I've been slacking on the novel lately. For one, I had no money to print the thing when it was done, two, finishing the last section is harder than I thought, and three, my computer has pretty much gone to computer heaven. Oh my little Rory is hanging in the balance, but the plug needs to be pulled somewhat soon. Her life support arrived (a.ka. external harddrive) and I know time is near. lol. Sorry, had to run with it. But at any rate I THOUGHT I had saved my latest version of my novel on one of my 3 USB ports.... but apparently not. A little stressful considering I could have wiped my computer clean and lost it, but now I have to make sure it's just lost between all my many backups. It's a pity really. But Honestly I want to have this thing printed out by the end of the weekend. It's 10 pages. I can do this. I don't even work Saturday. So, fingers crossed, hold our breaths, praise be to God: Let's get some motivation in the house!!!

And I'm done.

Love,Amy

Girls are funny too!

That was just a statement. I do think we, as women, are funny, even if guys like to differ. Maybe its' a different kind of funny, but all in all i'd say that we are funny. I laugh a lot. And I LOVE to laugh. If you don't laugh enough, hang out with me. i'll either be quite clever and whitty, or I'll be as blonde as hell and you'll laugh anyway. Either way, I'm a good time. Haha. That or my friends are just that awesome. I think both can be true.

I have no purpose to blog today. Just to ramble. But really that's what I do the best. At least i'm not AS stressed today. I feel really good today. I have enough money for rent, I made a really huge dent in my unpacking process, and I am slowly starting to feel like I live in my new place. heck, I even showered here! Woo! It's all baby steps, but it's coming together. It is sad to watch everyone go to school without me though. It was Bethel's first day and I wanna go too, but I must wait my turn. This semester will be filled with a lot of great things, this I know, I just need to make sure to stay positive so I do not miss it.

This evening I got to play "Bargo" (Bingo) at Applebees with Seward, Alyssa, and Kara. It was a lot of fun. And I won a $5 gift card! Go me!! That was actually really exciting. I can't wait to use it... hint hint. We all just had a really good time and laughed a lot. And cute boys were there. lol.

so my confession of the week is that I got very very very drunk this weekend. I told Seward and felt instantly guilty. As I should. I never meant to be like that. I never meant to disappoint. It just happened. I remember that I once said that everyone who rebels is like the people who get to eat cake, and I wanna eat too. Rebeliousness just never fit me very well. But I joined in, I "ate" my cake, and I've had my fill. To clarify, yes, I enjoyed myself and yes I'm glad I went out with some people, but I did something that I've been against my entire life. I'm not proud, I don't feel like I've made a step in the right direction, I feel like everyone else. And that is lame. But it's over with, It's in the past, and all I can do is learn from this experience. If you wanna know the details, lemme know. It's kinda embarassingly funny. It makes for a good story. Heh.

Alright, I'm out. It's time for me to either sleep or unpack. I'm okay with either.

Tonight's Prayer: I continually pray to become the child of God that I know I can be, I pray for birthdays (Laura Milliken's) and that my family and friends will continue to be blessed by the Almighty One. : )

amy

Wishing I was Born Again

Hey. This will be quick and to the point. Life is a stressball and I need to grow up and learn to handle it. It doesn't get easier and it certainly just doesn't go away. I know I've been hard to deal with this summer, but I just really don't know what to do with myself. I need to set myself on the right track and it needs to happen soon. hopefully this fall will be the perfect time to do so. Rent is cheaper and there are zero school expenses. If I can fix my credit, I can go back to school. And that's what I really need to do.

I also need to learn how to be a roommate to 5 other girls again. And how to take a house's worth of stuff and make it fit into half of a bedroom. It's overwhelming. I'm in panic mode and trying not to be crabby or ornery or any other negative thing, but all I really wanna do is go on a permanent run to no where and not deal with it. I don't even know how to have a roommate again. It's not to say that she won't be a nice girl, but I was notified 10 or so days before my move that I was ending up with a roommate inseated of my own room. It's hard to take in. I'm working on it. And yes, I know I will be okay, but I'm learning to cope and I don't need to be pleasant. My life is changing and I'm still on the last chapter of my life. I'll catch up soon. Promise. We all know i'm not good with change, why should this year be any different?

However, there are some ups in a crazy world. 1: rent is cheap 2: Justin, Jen, and Alyssa are home. 3: I have serving shifts 4: Zach and Kara are wonderful moveres 5: I have time to really work on my book 6: my roomie Megan is fantastic 7: I never have to go back to Wells Fargo! 8: Tim and I had a heart-to-heart on a night that I can barely remember and we like each other :) So yes, there are so many pluses in my life.

My nightly prayer: I pray that God will look over everyone as they start their year at school. I pray for widsom and knowledge to get my life straightened out, and I pray for patience as I deal with new people and new situations. I thank God for the life He has given me and I hope to become the child God wants me to be. Good night my dear friends.

Amy