GRADUATION IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, now that that is over with. No. Kidding. It is really exciting. I know that I still am working on the internship part and I have to take a summer course at some point, but at any rate I get to walk and just be done. It's such a relief. No more loans to worry about (at least the getting them part) and I'll be on to the new chapter of my life. I'm not sure what that entails at this point though. Sure, I'll have a journalism major, but what do I want to do with that? I guess right now it doesn't matter because I'll be working and interning and taking a summer course and it'll be too hectic to start the new life. So for right now I'll say I'm comfortable in knowing that I don't know what's going on.
Speaking of the internship, I have an in-person interview at 3pm on Thursday so I'm praying that this is what God wants for me and that I'll get it. Otherwise I know God will open a different door, window, locked chest, whatever you wanna say, for me.I must say it's been really nice relying on God and NOT myself these days. It's a breath of fresh air really. Now if I could be more dedicated in my alone time with him.... just saying...
In other news, I got to see the wonderful Karrah in real life! WE met up for ice cream and it was a delight. I love her! It's like ever since we did royalty together we have just the best friendship. Well.. really we've been good friends for a while, but still. I just like seeing her.
Last note: I bought a dress for graduation! It was cheap and it's adorable. I'm in love. :)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Random Thoughts of Friday
Well good morning friends. It is Friday and I had the Blogging itch. No particular reason really. It just seems a nice way to start the weekend. Plus I always read some of my friend's blogs and they make me happy! So here I go: let me make my readers react.
For one, I watched Glee last night and I could just DIE with those one liners. They are beautiful. For Example: Sue: You don't deserve the power of Madonna... simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo, who refuse to mate.
HAHAHAHA. If you don't laugh at that... sad.
Two, While I may be working a hundred hours (or that's what if feels like) this weekend, I do really need the money cuz bills got paid and I BROKE. capital B. Being responsible blows sometimes doesn't it? BUT Since I am working two really good serving shifts, I should be able to make some decent money. It'll be exciting.
Three, so there was this thing in my life for like that last five weeks and it's unfortunately not going in my direction. Which is a big bummer because I've been SO excited about it. At the same time, I don't feel as sad as I thought I would though. Maybe it's because I'm giving God the reigns? I know I can't do it... let's have Him do it since that's how it's supposed to be anyway? Thanks Jesus!
Four, Travis Day (that's what we should call it!) went well. I was happy with that. Kara and Nate and I met up at the crash site and goofed around like we were in high school. It was hysterical. We also took some delightful photos that should resurface on Facebook soon. Lucky us. Afterward we went to Dairy Queen and ran into Molly and Melanie which was a nice surprise. I talked to Melanie for a while and then we headed to the Knapps. Molly went with the Knapps to the grave and I went in to see Justin and Mike. I know, confusing cuz there are so many people being listed, but it is Travis Day. haha. I'm just glad that nobody cried and everyone was in a good mood. And this is why I love my friends. We come back because we will always care. It's not like we are clinging desperately to the past, but we have something to bring us together. It's nice.
Five, I'm done. I gotta do some homework. :) Have a great Friday guys! Have fun for me!
Amy
For one, I watched Glee last night and I could just DIE with those one liners. They are beautiful. For Example: Sue: You don't deserve the power of Madonna... simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo, who refuse to mate.
HAHAHAHA. If you don't laugh at that... sad.
Two, While I may be working a hundred hours (or that's what if feels like) this weekend, I do really need the money cuz bills got paid and I BROKE. capital B. Being responsible blows sometimes doesn't it? BUT Since I am working two really good serving shifts, I should be able to make some decent money. It'll be exciting.
Three, so there was this thing in my life for like that last five weeks and it's unfortunately not going in my direction. Which is a big bummer because I've been SO excited about it. At the same time, I don't feel as sad as I thought I would though. Maybe it's because I'm giving God the reigns? I know I can't do it... let's have Him do it since that's how it's supposed to be anyway? Thanks Jesus!
Four, Travis Day (that's what we should call it!) went well. I was happy with that. Kara and Nate and I met up at the crash site and goofed around like we were in high school. It was hysterical. We also took some delightful photos that should resurface on Facebook soon. Lucky us. Afterward we went to Dairy Queen and ran into Molly and Melanie which was a nice surprise. I talked to Melanie for a while and then we headed to the Knapps. Molly went with the Knapps to the grave and I went in to see Justin and Mike. I know, confusing cuz there are so many people being listed, but it is Travis Day. haha. I'm just glad that nobody cried and everyone was in a good mood. And this is why I love my friends. We come back because we will always care. It's not like we are clinging desperately to the past, but we have something to bring us together. It's nice.
Five, I'm done. I gotta do some homework. :) Have a great Friday guys! Have fun for me!
Amy
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Seven Years To The Day: April 21st
Yep. It's that day again. That day that haunts people or completely passes them by. I feel like I'm in both categories. Some days I think of Travis and I smile. He was here for but a moment, a moment that I can barely remember. 16 feels like an eternity ago. Who was I? What were my thoughts? Was school important? Did I love my life? Did I think things differently the way I do now?
Then there are the times when I can't feel him anymore. His memories have been erased and he is that guy I met once when I was a kid. That's how I felt yesterday evening. I wasn't sad. I didn't miss him, and I felt bad about it. When do we get to that point in our life where we just stop? It's not that I don't care about him, or miss him from time to time, but it's a part of the process I guess. It's been years since I've understood the situation and know that it isn't a tragedy anymore. And I felt bad for not feeling bad. This is normal though. Hard to let go, but you do. It's a very different life then when someone first dies. You feel like you've betrayed someone by letting the sadness go, but really, you've just grown up. You learn to deal with it the way you deal with everything else in your life.
But it's comforting to know that we are all combined on this one single day. It is the day that we remember. I know that no matter what my friends will remember, they will help everyone else feel whole. We may not be suffering as much or at all anymore, but out of respect, we remember. And what made me feel better in this first hour of this day is that I can remember him and it's not sad. And I know that he was a wonderful person, and he did so much with his death. It was God's plan. That's what it boils down to. And when you're in it, you can't see that. You can't just say "oh well, God is in control" I know that now however. And I have faith in God that I will see Travis again someday. What a day that will be.
I was also talking to a dear friend recently and we discussed something along the lines of what is a healthy way to cope with death? Is there even such a thing? Is it healthy to forget? Is it healthy to hold on for a lifetime? Is it healthy to be immersed in it daily? Is it even healthy to visit the site where he left us? Who knows. I've decided there is no "healthy" and "unhealthy" way to deal. I cannot criticize anyone for their habits on dealing with this. We were thrown into the situation as babies. We made do with what we had, and we have found comfort in that.
So that's where I am this year. Comfortable knowing that Travis is in a good place. Comfortable knowing that God has a plan for my life and I will follow Him until He takes me home. I am my Father's child.
And while this has nothing to do with Travis, I found this quote that stood out to me today: All of us come to Christ on our knees. Travis did. I will continue too.
Then there are the times when I can't feel him anymore. His memories have been erased and he is that guy I met once when I was a kid. That's how I felt yesterday evening. I wasn't sad. I didn't miss him, and I felt bad about it. When do we get to that point in our life where we just stop? It's not that I don't care about him, or miss him from time to time, but it's a part of the process I guess. It's been years since I've understood the situation and know that it isn't a tragedy anymore. And I felt bad for not feeling bad. This is normal though. Hard to let go, but you do. It's a very different life then when someone first dies. You feel like you've betrayed someone by letting the sadness go, but really, you've just grown up. You learn to deal with it the way you deal with everything else in your life.
But it's comforting to know that we are all combined on this one single day. It is the day that we remember. I know that no matter what my friends will remember, they will help everyone else feel whole. We may not be suffering as much or at all anymore, but out of respect, we remember. And what made me feel better in this first hour of this day is that I can remember him and it's not sad. And I know that he was a wonderful person, and he did so much with his death. It was God's plan. That's what it boils down to. And when you're in it, you can't see that. You can't just say "oh well, God is in control" I know that now however. And I have faith in God that I will see Travis again someday. What a day that will be.
I was also talking to a dear friend recently and we discussed something along the lines of what is a healthy way to cope with death? Is there even such a thing? Is it healthy to forget? Is it healthy to hold on for a lifetime? Is it healthy to be immersed in it daily? Is it even healthy to visit the site where he left us? Who knows. I've decided there is no "healthy" and "unhealthy" way to deal. I cannot criticize anyone for their habits on dealing with this. We were thrown into the situation as babies. We made do with what we had, and we have found comfort in that.
So that's where I am this year. Comfortable knowing that Travis is in a good place. Comfortable knowing that God has a plan for my life and I will follow Him until He takes me home. I am my Father's child.
And while this has nothing to do with Travis, I found this quote that stood out to me today: All of us come to Christ on our knees. Travis did. I will continue too.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Prayer
I need prayer. I feel like I'm relying too much on ME. Too much on what I can do. So here we go:
Dear Father, Thank you for the life you've given me. I thank you for making me Yours. Father, please guide me. Use me in the way I'm meant to be used. I'm completely open to what You give me. Just let me see. Give me comfort so I can continue to follow You. I'm sick of doing my own thing. I get nowhere that way. And I know that. It's so easy to slip back to that though. So Father, help me, guide me, comfort me. I also pray for the next week. It is that time again in our lives where we remember Travis. It's the seven year mark, Lord, and most of us can and will be okay. But still keep our hearts focused on You and let us know that he is with You. Your little sidekick right? Comfort the Knapps, let them feel Your grace and love this week. Help us cope. But most importantly, help us all find You. You are the reason we are here and I want to show that I love you. I want to feel the love that You give because I'm tired of worldly love. It means nothing. I want to feel this crazy love You give. Help me get there. Help us get there. In Your holy holy name.
Amy
Dear Father, Thank you for the life you've given me. I thank you for making me Yours. Father, please guide me. Use me in the way I'm meant to be used. I'm completely open to what You give me. Just let me see. Give me comfort so I can continue to follow You. I'm sick of doing my own thing. I get nowhere that way. And I know that. It's so easy to slip back to that though. So Father, help me, guide me, comfort me. I also pray for the next week. It is that time again in our lives where we remember Travis. It's the seven year mark, Lord, and most of us can and will be okay. But still keep our hearts focused on You and let us know that he is with You. Your little sidekick right? Comfort the Knapps, let them feel Your grace and love this week. Help us cope. But most importantly, help us all find You. You are the reason we are here and I want to show that I love you. I want to feel the love that You give because I'm tired of worldly love. It means nothing. I want to feel this crazy love You give. Help me get there. Help us get there. In Your holy holy name.
Amy
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
P.S.
It's raining and thundering and there is also some lightening in the world. Just thought you guys should know what you are missing at 3AM on a Monday night/Tuesday morning.
Monday, April 12, 2010
The World At Large
Very good song. Modest Mouse. It reminds me of the O.C. because they had this band play on the show. And I feel like that is where I've heard this song. I could be wrong. Either way, I love the guys voice. Take a listen peeps!
I just watched Parenthood and it made me want a family. Like lots of siblings. Life would be so very different. I love having Holly as a sister, don't get me wrong. It's been an interesting experience to have a twin, but I was watching that show and it was fun to see the siblings hanging out and being silly with each other. I don't know what that's like. I don't know what it's like to have a lot of people like that. Maybe that is why I'm so big on friends. There are lots of them that simulate a family. You grow up with them and, God willing, they are there on the other side when 5, 10, or 15 years have passed. But who knows. I could be saying all of this because I'm on the side with a small family. Maybe the ones with big families want smaller ones? I mean they are less hassle. Anyone have a comment on this?
I spent the weekend in Menomonie (bah du du du) Sorry. can't help it! It was a treat! I love being able to spend time with Seward. Not only because we've been officially friends for 11 years in the next month, but because there is little time left before she is married. While marriage is a great new adventure, it changes things. She's no longer that girl that can do whatever she wants all the time. Heck, she's not even going to be my "Seward". I mean yes, I'll call her that until the day she dies, but she'll be a Beckman. Change has always been hard for me, so when it means that Jen is going to change, I panic. My heart flutters just like when people fight. My stomach gets in a knot and I can't help but think that things will change for the worst. And I know it won't. It just means we need to be different. Learn to grow with the changes I guess. That's the best thing though. We've been through IT ALL. If we can go through deaths, births, marriages, fights, sleep overs, and everything else, we can go through this! I know I seem uber dramatic on this, but it's me. So deal.
I'm ready for this upcoming week I think. It's going to be a long one, but in the end I think it'll be good. :D Fingers crossed. Prayers up to God.
Speaking of God.... I really need to focus on Him. I feel the lacking. And Seward really pointed it out too. Not just at me, but in a our friends in general. It's hard to really come back to God when you've been distance for so long. I don't sit here thinking that I don't need him or that I can do it on my own, but you just get into this groove and you keep saying like, "I'll pray after this" or "I want to watch this" and before you know it it's 2am and you didn't do a dang thing! So I'm going to be doing my best to be in LOVE with God. Whatever that means. I want to really learn what that means.
Alright, I'm out like uh.... snow on a 80 degree day? Sure. works.
Amy
I just watched Parenthood and it made me want a family. Like lots of siblings. Life would be so very different. I love having Holly as a sister, don't get me wrong. It's been an interesting experience to have a twin, but I was watching that show and it was fun to see the siblings hanging out and being silly with each other. I don't know what that's like. I don't know what it's like to have a lot of people like that. Maybe that is why I'm so big on friends. There are lots of them that simulate a family. You grow up with them and, God willing, they are there on the other side when 5, 10, or 15 years have passed. But who knows. I could be saying all of this because I'm on the side with a small family. Maybe the ones with big families want smaller ones? I mean they are less hassle. Anyone have a comment on this?
I spent the weekend in Menomonie (bah du du du) Sorry. can't help it! It was a treat! I love being able to spend time with Seward. Not only because we've been officially friends for 11 years in the next month, but because there is little time left before she is married. While marriage is a great new adventure, it changes things. She's no longer that girl that can do whatever she wants all the time. Heck, she's not even going to be my "Seward". I mean yes, I'll call her that until the day she dies, but she'll be a Beckman. Change has always been hard for me, so when it means that Jen is going to change, I panic. My heart flutters just like when people fight. My stomach gets in a knot and I can't help but think that things will change for the worst. And I know it won't. It just means we need to be different. Learn to grow with the changes I guess. That's the best thing though. We've been through IT ALL. If we can go through deaths, births, marriages, fights, sleep overs, and everything else, we can go through this! I know I seem uber dramatic on this, but it's me. So deal.
I'm ready for this upcoming week I think. It's going to be a long one, but in the end I think it'll be good. :D Fingers crossed. Prayers up to God.
Speaking of God.... I really need to focus on Him. I feel the lacking. And Seward really pointed it out too. Not just at me, but in a our friends in general. It's hard to really come back to God when you've been distance for so long. I don't sit here thinking that I don't need him or that I can do it on my own, but you just get into this groove and you keep saying like, "I'll pray after this" or "I want to watch this" and before you know it it's 2am and you didn't do a dang thing! So I'm going to be doing my best to be in LOVE with God. Whatever that means. I want to really learn what that means.
Alright, I'm out like uh.... snow on a 80 degree day? Sure. works.
Amy
Thursday, April 08, 2010
In my head
I am slowly going crazy 1...2...3...4...5...6...SWITCH
Crazy crazy going crazy 6...5...4...3...2...1...SWITCH
1) Don't watch Paranormal Activity-EVER. Boring. Long. Painfully anticlimactic. Scary. Luckily I missed the only truly terrifying part... haha I don't watch endings for a reason!!
2) I'm restless. SUPER RESTLESS. I know why.
3) Excited for Menomonie this weekend. Should be fun.
4) Grass is green and it's appeasing to the heart and mind.
5) I feel twitterpaited. Yes, I said it. Twitterpaited.
Amy
Crazy crazy going crazy 6...5...4...3...2...1...SWITCH
1) Don't watch Paranormal Activity-EVER. Boring. Long. Painfully anticlimactic. Scary. Luckily I missed the only truly terrifying part... haha I don't watch endings for a reason!!
2) I'm restless. SUPER RESTLESS. I know why.
3) Excited for Menomonie this weekend. Should be fun.
4) Grass is green and it's appeasing to the heart and mind.
5) I feel twitterpaited. Yes, I said it. Twitterpaited.
Amy
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Quotes, stories, horses, and Easter
Oye! What a whirlwind life has been in the last few weeks. On some of it all I can really say is "NOW WHAT?" some of my life has been so exciting and exhilarating that there is no way to bottle up my emotions. I'm really glad that life has been going down this certain path. It's been good.
I was also really excited because I found this quote online that I just absolutely fell in love with. Ready for it? I know you want to know what it is! Don't worry, I won't hold you back from it any longer. Okay:
Great huh? I love it. I feel like this quote really has made me think about what love is. And I've been thinking about what love is because I've been in a class called Perspectives on Christian Marriages. You can't help but think of love and what it means to be married and how all i really wanna do is marry my best friend. People seem happier when that happens. But what this quote does is tell you that it's not just the fluffy love stuff that goes into it. It's work, it's hard, it's a struggle, love is what is left over after that earthquake. Ponder it. Take it in. Love it. : )
In life I have been doing well. Especially over Easter. I got to see my family for SIX whole hours! That never ever happens! I had a really good time. Oh! And of course... the biggest event of all: I rode a horse! It doesn't sound like a very big deal but I haven't been on one since I was in 2nd grade. I fell off and have never been able to get back on. But there I was, being all amazing and horse like. haah. My mom and holly were proud. It made for a unique Easter that's for sure. What else... I've been trying to be good with doing my homework and going to class. It's hard. It's like my life doesn't have time for school. It just keeps telling me that class and homework have no place in this already packed schedule. Don't worry though, in a mere 46 days I will be GrAdUaTiNg!!!!!!! I'm going to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE! okay, I'll be missing like 3 credits, but STILL. Go me! What an achievement. Thank God it'll be over.
I think the hardest thing about this month is all the sadness that it brings. We put my dog, Casey, down last April, a girl from my high school died of cancer this month last year, and of course, my wonderful wonderful Travis has been dead for seven years on the 21st. And while I'm not in a state of being totally and utterly destroyed this time of year, it still gives me a heavy heart. I mean it was TRAVIS. I don't even know him anymore. When I think of Travis I automatically get Justin on the mind. I can't separate them anymore. It's hard to recall the things about Travis. Do I want to? of course. I'm writing a freaking book about him. Which is another reason I'm glad that I wrote it. I wrote the most important parts when it needed to be fresh and it'll be a relief to have such a work to help remind me of the amazingness that was Travis. And it's crazy to think it's been SEVEN YEARS. That is a long time to be without someone in your life. I can't wait to join him again.
Alright, i'm fading fast. I'm tired and it's a busy day of school tomorrow. I pray that God watches over us this next month and helps the coping process begin for whomever needs it.
Amy
I was also really excited because I found this quote online that I just absolutely fell in love with. Ready for it? I know you want to know what it is! Don't worry, I won't hold you back from it any longer. Okay:
Great huh? I love it. I feel like this quote really has made me think about what love is. And I've been thinking about what love is because I've been in a class called Perspectives on Christian Marriages. You can't help but think of love and what it means to be married and how all i really wanna do is marry my best friend. People seem happier when that happens. But what this quote does is tell you that it's not just the fluffy love stuff that goes into it. It's work, it's hard, it's a struggle, love is what is left over after that earthquake. Ponder it. Take it in. Love it. : )
In life I have been doing well. Especially over Easter. I got to see my family for SIX whole hours! That never ever happens! I had a really good time. Oh! And of course... the biggest event of all: I rode a horse! It doesn't sound like a very big deal but I haven't been on one since I was in 2nd grade. I fell off and have never been able to get back on. But there I was, being all amazing and horse like. haah. My mom and holly were proud. It made for a unique Easter that's for sure. What else... I've been trying to be good with doing my homework and going to class. It's hard. It's like my life doesn't have time for school. It just keeps telling me that class and homework have no place in this already packed schedule. Don't worry though, in a mere 46 days I will be GrAdUaTiNg!!!!!!! I'm going to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE! okay, I'll be missing like 3 credits, but STILL. Go me! What an achievement. Thank God it'll be over.
I think the hardest thing about this month is all the sadness that it brings. We put my dog, Casey, down last April, a girl from my high school died of cancer this month last year, and of course, my wonderful wonderful Travis has been dead for seven years on the 21st. And while I'm not in a state of being totally and utterly destroyed this time of year, it still gives me a heavy heart. I mean it was TRAVIS. I don't even know him anymore. When I think of Travis I automatically get Justin on the mind. I can't separate them anymore. It's hard to recall the things about Travis. Do I want to? of course. I'm writing a freaking book about him. Which is another reason I'm glad that I wrote it. I wrote the most important parts when it needed to be fresh and it'll be a relief to have such a work to help remind me of the amazingness that was Travis. And it's crazy to think it's been SEVEN YEARS. That is a long time to be without someone in your life. I can't wait to join him again.
Alright, i'm fading fast. I'm tired and it's a busy day of school tomorrow. I pray that God watches over us this next month and helps the coping process begin for whomever needs it.
Amy
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